>Snared: What they don’t tell you about the wait, part 3

>So. There are other things they don’t mention about the wait.
They kind of do. Sometimes it’s alluded to by the social workers or folks in process.
Now and then someone will flat out say it.
But the wait: it’s filled with traps.

Sometimes you get snared…or thwacked upside the head, unsuspecting.

Especially if your defenses are down or compromised with a virus or migraine or something of that ilk.
Then watch out.
Because you might find yourself on the sofa, whipped, and kind of leaking tears….blue and bleak over the blank calendar in front of you and no word or whisper on the horizon of progress.
And your normal cautiously hopeful stance, gone. Evaporated. Nowhere to be found.
And then you find yourself sort of in despair.
Because you know you need to bring that child home – the one all over the fridge and in the photos on your bathroom mirror.

You’ve been trying to imprint them on your heart.
And it’s worked.

And now you ache to have them home, even as your head knows how much work and the exhausting adjustments it will bring to everyone.

But that child, in the pictures..that’s your kid.

And they are half a world away.
And you have no information on them.
And you have no update on her.
And you have no breathe of time-frame whispered to you.

And that’s the trap.
It snares you and pulls you under and you cry in frustration and worry from the depths of your mom heart, you can’t help it.
You’ve been whacked.

It will pass.
Possibly as soon as the little virus does.
You’ll get back your normal marathon endurance mindset.
You’ll set aside the sharp imaginative worry.
You’ll hunker down to cautiously hopefully wait for good news, every day.

But you have to know that now and then, you’re gonna find yourself flat, sniffly and snared.
And they don’t tell you that much, because it is literally one of the ugly sides of the process.
But it’s real.

And it would be really nice to never mention it.
It would be like spun candy to only write about the hope and joy and giddy highs of this process, because they are SO high and so good.
But I think it’s maybe important to note that everybody goes through the traps too.
At least for me it’s important to note this.
Some days, you get snared.
You fall.
I fall.
It might be just me.
I am a child in so many ways, not trusting enough, complaining and whining, controlling too much, having a snuffly tantrum over not having the progress or information I had hoped for.
But I don’t only want this blog to be about the glittery things or only the best sides of me. I want it to be real and true, a diary of sorts of our/my real life.

So there it is, here it is: today.
These days pass, they do.
But to be honest, this process: it’s a rollercoaster, it’s not easy, it’s not for sissies or the faint of heart.

I guess nothing life changing ever is.

12 thoughts on “>Snared: What they don’t tell you about the wait, part 3

  1. >Now I really really wish I lived closer… I’d come over and give you a big hug, and, of course, deliver a yummy latte or milkshake or something of that nature, and tell you to proceed with the crying, because sometimes that’s what you need to do… rid yourself of the doubt, but give yourself time to do it. I hope today you can just sit and cry, because it’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow you will be one day closer to having her home. love you friend… becca

  2. >Oh sweet girl …. how true it is!!! And it should be talked about. Becca’s right … you’re one day closer. These pains are not easy … oh how you’ve lived them and know it so deeply. You WILL get through it and you WILL see the other side. But along the journey … it’s okay to sit down and rest and let out the raw emotions for awhile. Have you started a journal for your precious waiting girl? I’ll bet she’d enjoy hearing some day of how you longed for her to be HOME. Know that I’ll keep praying you through. Blessings, Shelly

  3. >Your post brought me right back to the days we were waiting to find out more about our babygirl and more about *when* we would get to meet her. Those days were some of the most difficult days I’ve experienced, but they too did pass and it was all worth it in the end (you know all of this of course, having gone through this before, but sometimes having someone else reiterate it can help, right? 🙂 Big hug, Karen

  4. >I’ve never done the wonderful thing you are doing, and I’ve never felt the way you are feeling. I can’t offer you any words of encouragement but I will pray that your daughter will be with you soon and for you to be lifted when the days are hard.((Hugs)),Tania

  5. >I’m so sorry you’re having one of those days – when the waiting is just plain hard and filled with worry and sadness. I know you know it will pass but it doesn’t make the moment any easier. Thinking of you and hoping tomorrow is a much better day!!

  6. >I have been following your blog ofter and I have to say…..Wow!! You said it sister! I’m right there with you this very moment. virus and all. I pray we both hear news soon on our beautiful children.Sweet Blessings,Christa

  7. >Oh, yes!!!!!Snared over here, too. Today somewhat better though.This post is perfect. So glad you shared it. Like we said, there is such comfort knowing you’re not alone in the trenches.Perfect, perfect, gut-wrenchingly true post.

  8. >thank you for your beautiful and truthful post. i too know this part of the process. waiting for the child in the photos is a sort of bittersweet, unrequited love. it can bring unimaginable elation and a broken heart almost simultaneously. it’s a love that is scary and impossible to deny. so we wait.

  9. >And coming from someone who has had experience! The wait and the unexpected turns and twist is enough to give even the strongest whiplash. I hope that today was better and that tomorrow is even better. The only thing frustrating about the blogging world…when a friend is hurting they may be hundreds of miles away and a cyber-hug just is not the same. I hope that your life is filled with great friends who can comfort you when you are “caught” by the snare.


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