So, Christmas is now, really, finished. I have just spent the morning taking down all the decorations and stowing them, vacuuming the needles, giving thanks for having my college boy home to help. I’ve also completed a minor existential meltdown, and am now lurching out of the hangover from it. The only way I know how to move out of a surprise trigger overwhelmed exhausted meltdown is not – as my dear husband suggested with concern – to take a nap and blow off the chores. Rather, it’s to brainstorm and take a clear hard calculating look at just what isn’t working in this house and problem solve to fix it. I’m guessing that once again renews my membership card in the “Type A” club. So, yup, you guessed, that takes me right zippity back to those shaky resolutions!
As I ponder those loose resolutions of last week a bit further, I see a trend. I know, I’m a little slow on the uptake, you all were way ahead of me. Bear with me. But I see that what I am really yearning for is not just order and control, though of course I am (by my very nature) ALWAYS seeking order and control…but rather, what I’m yearning for is the peace, PEACE, that comes from an orderly manageable life. I always have my worst snaps of temper when I feel overwhelmed by just having too too many things to do and not enough help to do them or time to try, plus too many moods and attitudes to surf on top of it all. I’m not saying that to excuse my OWN temper or mood, but rather to sort it through my own dense thick brain stem. So yes, mom fail today. Ok, daily, on small to big things, but still……
To allay that sense of kicking through the chaos and detritus in my house, literally and metaphorically, I am kind of resolving, here (eek, publicly) to resolve a bit better. (I know, still hedging…..baby steps people, ok?). But instead of simply resolving to tighten the budget or declutter the house and/or get my aging legs in gear, I am resolving to order the systems in our house a bit. To simplify. Simply: I want to create a haven. Our home needs to not only be the required stopping spot, the dumping ground of backpacks and groceries. Rather our home needs to be a peaceful, happy, haven where kids can come and breathe deep and with a smile. I want that “Ah” feel, that exhale. It needs to be “AH, HOME.”
Too often that exhale gets sucker punched by the latest kid snit or tantrum or pushback; the waves of moods (and their disordered mood/selves, for some, for reasons just beyond their control) can pound our little/big family. This morning I daresay it got sucker punched by mine. Sigh. So. The need is there. My desire to do the job to make the systems work for us all to be able to have a calm ordered life, amidst the hustle and bustle, is palpable. Thanks to my dear son for stepping in and helping with all hands on deck this morning, lifting me right back up.
So, to fine tune those resolutions: Yes, I am being frugal at the market and glad for it. Yes, I am considering the media firehose that is aimed at my teens, in particular. Yes, I am decluttering and ordering the house some, but more so, I am eyeballing the systems in place and tweaking them (laundry/clothing/closet systems, storage, smart use of space to minimize clutter/effort). And, I resolve not only to take better care of myself by exercises that bring me endorphins AND solace, but I resolve to get enough rest/sleep because I just don’t have the buffer any more to, um, buffer the stresses.
So, Christmas is now finished. We are back to Ordinary Time, liturgically speaking. Which is ok. Now is the time to find and order, our ordinary home. I’m not promising perfection. But I want to just try to make a little progress. To simplify a few things. That will be a good start. Baby steps, one at a time. First up, the little boys’ room. Whoa…..Onwards.