>A WIN! Changing Lives, Families!

Posted on September 19, 2009 by coffeemom

>For all you families waiting to travel and about to travel to go get your kids from Ethiopia, there is great news! The kids are coming home! If they are 10 or under, they can come home. No more waiting for cultures, now they can come home. Wahoo! Read below for the particulars.

As you all know, this is an issue close to our hearts. Our daughter Marta was stuck in Addis and not allowed to come home for eleven weeks, waiting on a TB culture. We fought, screamed, pushed, shoved, and prayed. And still we waited. Many others have done the same, causing much anguish and many problems. However, times are changing!

Many people have been working very hard to get the Technical Instructions changed and get our kids home. It has taken much work and pushing and researching and talking and meeting by many amazing dedicated people: lawyers, adoption professionals, doctors, families, all sorts of folks. And now, change has happened, for good! This is a big darn deal and while it would not have helped us in our situation, it will help the vast majority of most of the families who might otherwise be stuck. It is a huge step forward and worth a big cheer and shout of joy, even clapping for the CDC, who agreed to make the changes. So, without further ado:

2007 Technical Instructions for Tuberculosis Screening and Treatment Addendum: Instructions for Applicants 10 Years of Age or Younger

September 18, 2009

CDC has developed the following addendum instructions for travel clearances for 10 years of age or younger. The criteria described in these addendum Technical Instructions are based on physiologic
aspects of childhood tuberculosis disease and children’s ability to transmit tuberculosis disease.
These criteria do not apply to adults or children with tuberculosis disease associated with higher
levels of transmissibility.

Applicants 10 years of age or younger who require sputum cultures, regardless of HIV infection
status, may travel to the United States immediately after sputum smear analysis (while culture results
are pending) if none of the following conditions exist:
 Sputum smears are positive for acid-fast bacilli (AFB). If the applicant could not provide
sputum specimens and gastric aspirates were obtained, positive gastric aspirates for AFB do
not prevent travel while culture results are pending.
 Chest radiograph findings include―
o One or more cavities
o Extensive disease (e.g., particularly if involving both upper lobes)
 Respiratory symptoms include forceful and productive cough
 Known contact with a person with multidrug-resistant tuberculosis (MDR TB) who was
infectious at the time of contact

For applicants 10 years of age or younger who travel to the United States while results of cultures
are pending, panel physicians should―
 Give the applicant a Class B1 TB, Pulmonary classification
 Document that culture results are pending on the Chest X-Ray Worksheet (DS 3024 [until
September 30, 2009] or DS 3030 [beginning October 1, 2009]
 Forward culture results to DGMQ “Quality Assessment Program” via fax at 404-639-4441
so that DGMQ can forward the culture results to the receiving health departments

Panel physicians should provide the DS Forms based on the date of intended travel. If an applicant
10 years of age or younger will not travel until after culture results are to be reported (assuming they
are negative), the panel physicians should wait until that time before completing the DS Forms. If
the applicant 10 years of age or younger will travel while results of cultures are pending, the panel
physician should provide DS Forms while cultures are pending.

Panel physicians should not delay treatment on applicants 10 years of age or younger for whom
there is high suspicion of tuberculosis disease and who would benefit from therapy being started
prior to departure to the United States. Consistent with other applicants started on tuberculosis
treatment prior to travel, if therapy is started for an applicant 10 years of age or younger, the
applicant is Class A for tuberculosis. A Class A Waiver petition can be filed so that the waiver
petition could be reviewed and the applicant can travel to the United States before completion of therapy. CDC supports the filing of waiver requests for young children with tuberculosis disease so that the waiver application may be reviewed and adjudicated in a timely manner.

>For a Friday

Posted on September 18, 2009 by coffeemom

Pope Benedict XVI, photo from the Times Online.

This is shamelessy cribbed from Deacon’s Bench. But it is OH so worth reading, and yes, taping to our bathroom mirrors, or oh, tattooing on us somewhere if you’re so inclined. And it’s from Il Papa: Pope Benedict.

“We all stand in a great arena of history and are dependent on each other. A man ought not, therefore, just figure out what he would like, but to ask what he can do and how he can help.

Then he will see that fulfillment does not lie in comfort, ease, and following one’s inclinations, but precisely in allowing demands to be made upon you, in taking the harder path.

Everything else turns out somehow boring, anyway. Only the man who “risks the fire,” who recognizes a calling within himself, a vocation, an ideal he must satisfy, who takes on real responsibility, will find fulfillment. As we have said, it is not in taking, not on the path of comfort, that we become rich, but only in giving.”

And, while Pope Benedict was speaking of vocations to religious life here. I believe this applies to us all. Especially moms, families, marriage….heck, life in general, heck: ME. It’s just so hard to remember and harder to actually do, isn’t it? Ah, don’t I know it. Sigh. I’m taping this to my mirror, so I can see it each day….and try again…

>Downtime

Posted on September 17, 2009 by coffeemom

>I am a “Type A” person. I know, this comes as a huge surprise to you all, a shock no doubt.
But, its true. I am fairly high energy, intense, and feel guilty if I am not doing something productive, or at least something that I can indulge in and justify. I have a constant “to do” list scrolling through my head…like a bizarre gerbil mill on speed: spinning spinning spinning. Fun, no? Not always…..

Why, you ask, am I indulging in this tedious reflection? Well, it is hitting me smack in my forehead that this very trait is a huge link, or broken link, in the process of adjusting. I know, I hear you: “Doh!” But there you have it.

Every time I allow myself, ok, force myself, to sloooowwwwww down and just, um, BE, with the kids (particularly the one newly home, now, years ago, whenever, tho this is just key with teens too) it is better. It can be just hanging with them, spending time next to them. But really, too often I tend to kind of slot that into MY agenda of work and errands and so on and consider that, that “downtime”, checked off my list. Yup, done. Well, kind of. But the beauty and value of downtime unfolds when the downtime is really, um, down. By “down” I mean, of course, chilling out. Hanging with them, talking easy and slow. With, and this is key for us Type A’s, NO AGENDA.

Whoa.
I know.

Sounds so easy and yet, so not. But when I can smack myself and allow myself to do this, to just let it be them directing the conversation, talking slowly, thinking, listening….it is so rewarding. And I like to think its rewarding for us both. If its with a baby or toddler or little one, you know its a great thing because they practically giggle or purr with contentment. But with an older child, ok, our new older daughter…it is just so important I think. I have been able to find and carve out a couple of these times in the past few days. They have been much needed; issues are arising of late. But those times, sitting on the deck in the late afternoon being lazy and answering any question that Marta lobs….sitting together in the art room, sorting pins (of all things, sounds weird, a spill), and then just yakking in two languages as lazily as possible…..those times feel so much better. They are building connections I believe. For both of us. And for that, that downtime is worth gold. Even my type A gerbil mill mind can be shushed and relish that.

We goal oriented moms (ok, sigh, me) tend to want to build the family, piece by piece, dinner by dinner, laundry load by car load. But what it is too easy for me to forget, is that the goal is not just the shell of the family to be in place, but the heart of it.
And that takes the downtime. That takes the willingness to just be there: lazy, accepting, quiet. It’s a tough thing to do, too often. But now and then, we luck out, I remember, we grab that time.
We’ve begun.

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on September 16, 2009 by coffeemom

A new haircut.
Loving it, she still likes it pulled back best….but I think its beautiful down!

>Our Lady of Sorrows

Posted on September 15, 2009 by coffeemom

Today is the day we remember Our Lady of Sorrows.

Let me say just this: As a mom, this tears me up. No matter the denomination…moms will understand this concept of the sorrowful mother. She is every mother….

Drawing by Kate Kollwitz, Woman with dead child, 1903

So, as I cannot begin to sufficiently address this day and all that could be said,
I will let this most famous hymn do it instead.

Stabat Mater:

At the cross her station keeping,
Mary stood in sorrow weeping
When her Son was crucified.

While she waited in her anguish,
Seeing Christ in torment languish,
Bitter sorrow pierced her heart.

With what pain and desolation,
With what noble resignation,
Mary watched her dying Son.

Ever-patient in her yearning
Though her tear-filled eyes were burning,
Mary gazed upon her Son.

Who, that sorrow contemplating,
On that passion meditating,
Would not share the Virgin’s grief?

Christ she saw, for our salvation,
Scourged with cruel acclamation,
Bruised and beaten by the rod.

Christ she saw with life-blood failing,
All her anguish unavailing,
Saw him breathe his very last.

Mary, fount of love’s devotion,
Let me share with true emotion
All the sorrow you endured.

Virgin, ever interceding,
Hear me in my fervent pleading:
Fire me with your love of Christ.

Mother, may this prayer be granted:
That Christ’s love may be implanted
In the depths of my poor soul.

At the cross, your sorrow sharing,
All your grief and torment bearing,
Let me stand and mourn with you.

Fairest maid of all creation,
Queen of hope and consolation,
Let me feel your grief sublime.

Virgin, in your love befriend me,
At the Judgment Day defend me.
Help me by your constant prayer.

Savior, when my life shall leave me,
Through your mother’s prayers
receive me
With the fruits of victory.

Virgin of all virgins blest!
Listen to my fond request:
Let me share your grief divine

Let me, to my latest breath,
In my body bear the death
Of your dying Son divine.

Wounded with His every wound,
Steep my soul till it has swooned
In His very Blood away.

Be to me, O Virgin, nigh,
Lest in flames I burn and die,
In His awe-full judgment day.

Savior, when my life shall leave me,
Through your mother’s prayers
receive me
With the fruits of victory.

While my body here decays
May my soul your goodness praise,
Safe in heaven eternally. Amen Alleluia

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us.

>Exalted

Posted on September 14, 2009 by coffeemom

Piece of the titular of the Cross, found by St. Helena,
photo by Coffeedoc, Santa Croce, Rome.

Its the Feast of the Triumph of the Cross.
This seems to many like a weird feast, a remembrance of unspeakable suffering…why would anyone do that? However, it is through the Cross that we find our truest selves. Obviously, in faith we know that without the Cross all would be lost. We would be lost. Without the the Cross and Christ’s saving action, the world as we know it would not be as we know it. That’s Christianity, 101. But too often that part of it all is forgotten in the felt banner, Hallmark card version of pop culture Christianity that is so pervasive. Who wants to be a downer, anyhow? Right? But…is it, really? Not so much. I, myself, don’t think I could get out of bed most days if not for this and my faith in it. Period. So, today I celebrate the Cross, with gratitude.

Painting of St. Helena, mother of Constantine, who found pieces of the true Cross, 326.

“We adore you O Christ and we praise you.
Because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world.”
From the Liturgy of the Hours

>Adjustment: Marking the Good

Posted on September 12, 2009 by coffeemom

>So, you all know we are at two months now. And I’ve written some, or a lot, about the difficulties and unexpected strangeness of it all: this process of weaving in a new, older child into the family.
I want to be honest about it all, because it helps me to process it and because I want others to know the real stuff: the good, the bad, the tough, the surprising.

But its too easy to focus on the surprising and the tough stuff and too easy to let the good slip. And so, to that end, I want to take a page from Mary’s blog, one of my heroes, and make sure to mark the good. Publicly. So I don’t forget and so you can be sure to see that there are good moments too. Little victories, in a way, no matter how small. Because in this process, even small things matter….sometimes much more than you might imagine.

Mary did this about a year ago: making posts to mark the good things of the week, so she would record them. And if I’ve got my memory and timing on track, I believe she too was adjusting to bringing older children to the family. I too, need to remember to do this. So, I will shamelessly steal her idea, with a hat tip to her for leading the way. And I will throw up one or two good things, when I can steal the time to load the picture and post it (not on a schedule or set number, I’m just not that organized, folks…I know my limits!).

So, here goes – with the caveat for you readers that these will all seem like minute dreary nothings to you perhaps. But in the world of weaving a family, they are milestones: happy important markers. And I want to remember ours.

While we had a very rocky end of the week with that whole “honeymoon” concept being clearly swept away….we finally ended the week on a note of laughter. And I am grateful. I think it was a relief to us all. Last night was a casual chips and sandwiches Friday night. Everyone was a little punchy after a long week, friends were over and it was a little wild and crazy overall.

Somehow they starting making faces and rolling tongues and vying for who could make the “better” face, giggling and challenging each other.

I thought Marta might be baffled by it, but then she joined in with her own, laughing, wanting a picture.

The faces got goofier, wilder, the silly factor skyrocketed.

And for a few minutes, it felt like a normal doofy family on a tired wild messy Friday night. Fun. I’ll take it. Savor it.

This face, this laugh. I will mark it.

>Adjustment: two months.

Posted on September 9, 2009 by coffeemom

Relativity, by MC Escher

So. We are at two months now of being a family. And really, I think this drawing sums it up best.

That’s right. Look closely. A little topsy turvy maybe? Yeah. That’s our household. Seems like just when one of us thinks we have our feet under us and know where we stand, well then it seems to go a little wonky again. Someone else skews the mood or drops something down the stairs or starts climbing the walls. You know the feeling…just a little still, um, shifty.

So, really, everyone is still kind of finding their places, so to speak. Especially in the new relations to each other, its a shifting thing for awhile; an up-down, push-pull kind of thing. I am working on keeping balance with all the family, the kids in particular. I’m finding my sea legs, so to speak, but man, its a workout!

I know this all reads so vague. But, its because I guess there is still so much guessing going on. We still don’t have much language floating around the house, not one that everyone can understand. So we do a lot of guessing, which of course leads surely to a fair lot of misconceptions flying about.

But even so, sometimes we make steps forward, on solid ground. We have negotiated bathroom times (still ongoing…girls, showers, ’nuff said), and are laying down the food rules (e.g. first real food, then sometimes ice cream). We have sorted through mundane teeny but oh so important practical issues of who sits where in the car and how mom can figure out whose clothes are whose in the laundry (Three girls who are much the same size = mom is confused, girls are mad. Can you say: “initials in all clothes?” I can!), and who does which chores and when. Whew. Boring stuff? Mundane stuff? Maybe, yeah. But not SO much when the smooth functioning of the house is at stake. And no, saying that, the house is not functioning smoothly, not yet.

But every now and then, that topsy turvy picture, above, morphs for a few minutes, into a regular old home, with our regular old life in a slightly newer version. Two months. We are at two months and counting…..and hoping and living…..together.

>Happy Birthday to Mary

Posted on September 8, 2009 by coffeemom

>It’s the feast of the Nativity of Mary! Which means, of course, that it’s her birthday! And, as you have probably guessed by now…I love a birthday. They are full of happiness, just knowing that’s the day they were brought into the world. What’s not to celebrate about that, ever? This feast of the Nativity of Mary “is a commemoration of that happy and joyful day on which the ever-blessed virgin Mother of God first saw the light of day.”
This feast is one of the few that celebrate the birth of a holy person. Most feasts celebrate the death of the holy person…which sounds really weird, but the idea is that the day of death is the day they enter heaven, which is something worth celebrating on their behalf. But this is one of the three days on the church calendar that celebrates a birth-day; only John the Baptist and Jesus himself get this privilege. So this is an extra special honor, signifying her special role in our lives and her relation to Christ.
All of us are born and have many chances to turn to God or away, and really, you can’t ever know for sure until you get there (by which I mean, you die). So, for most of us regular Joes, we hope to keep turning toward God all along the way and we only mark and celebrate the death of the holiest, mostly saintly folks….and not their births; because they stayed the course, or turned to it for good. But for Mary, we get to celebrate her birth because God himself made her for himself, to be his entrance as a man to this world. Now that’s cool.
“We pray Thee, O Lord, grant to Thy servants the gift of heavenly grace: as the childbearing of the blessed Virgin was the beginning of our salvation, so may the devout celebration of her Nativity accord us an increase of peace.”

>Happy Labor Day.

Posted on September 7, 2009 by coffeemom

Marta’s new passion….Thought it was worth a post: apropos of the holiday.

>A dear feast: Mother Teresa!

Posted on September 5, 2009 by coffeemom

Today is the feast of Mother Teresa!
Oh, how I love her!!!

As it is for so many around the world, her story and life is just SO compelling to me. But Mother Teresa was no fluffy saint, of course. She did the hard work, the gritty work that most could never even imagine to try.
Whod’a thunk that even Mother Teresa could be controversial? Someone who literally changed the world for good. But even so, she is. Partly because she could be a bit difficult and would stubbornly move ahead with a project, despite all practical facets not being evident. Some have called her work and faith into question after her “dark night” was revealed. This is when she spent many years without the consolations in her prayer life that we all crave. It was a time of hanging in with her faith and prayers and work, despite the lack of sure comfort that is so often found in prayer (the consolation). Rather, she had those hard dark times of prayer where its like shouting into the dark. And even so, she kept going and held on to her faith, not letting go. This, to me, is all the more reason to marvel…..those times are when it’s so hard to hang on and not go seeking something, anything, else to provide that comfort once again.
But for me, look what this woman did. She loved, in action and emotion, the poorest of the poor. That’s a pat phrase, but in reality, it is a very tough thing to do, particularly if you are coming from a life of relative comfort and ease (and she was coming from a convent that she loved). And it was hard. She didn’t have any supernatural grace to not be repulsed by the sickness and the smells and the discomforts and difficulties. But she did them anyway. Because she was able to see Christ in them. And that perhaps, IS her grace. But that is ours for the asking as well….its just an awfully tough question to ask, eh?
All that said, she is one of my very very favorite saints (or, officially right now “Blessed”s). She has one of the faces that is just radiant with beauty. One of that that makes me exclaim “Oh, such a face!” And I love her. And I ask for her prayers, every day. And I am not graced with being able to SEE as well as she does, but some days, blessed days, I might catch a faint glimmer of what she saw.

Happy Feast Day.
Blessed Mother Teresa, pray for us!

>Go Irish!

Posted on September 5, 2009 by coffeemom

>And so it begins….College football, I mean. And I was never a fan or followed it, not really. But now, my Buddybug is at college, and its a LOT more fun. In fact these pics were shamelessly snagged from his post on the football season. Go read it, he is much better with sports than I am and oh he loves his teams.

Anyhow, today is the first game, a home game against Nevada. We are supposed to win! And we, here at home are going to be watching and shouting, rooting for the Irish and also scanning the crowd shots for the one in 80,000 (Yeah, you read that right, big stadium!) chance of seeing my boy {Don’t judge me, it may sound pathetic, but I miss him. It’s a mom thing and I can’t help it}.

I love watching Notre Dame football now and am hoping for a great fun winning season. ‘Cause yeah, I like to win. It’s the BIG event of the weekend up there, for sure. And down here in our little house its the big event as well! Got my ND t-shirt on…we are so excited!

GO IRISH!

Last year at the ND v. Stanford game, big fun (and Bananas begging to go again).

>Feast of Pope St. Gregory the Great

Posted on September 3, 2009 by coffeemom

It’s the feast day of Pope St. Gregory the Great.

This saint is my Buddybug’s confirmation patron, so we are keen on him around here; and ask him daily for prayers on behalf on my son. I don’t remember all of Buddybug’s reasons for choosing St. Gregory the Great as his patron. But I suspect that his love of music was one of the links. St. Gregory promoted sacred music, now known to us as, duh: “Gregorian Chant.” And Buddybug (and his mom and dad) love Gregorian Chant. So, no surprise there.

Drawing by Matthew Alderman,
(fellow domer alum of my son), 2006

St. Gregory is one of the few who have “the Great” attached to their name, and is also a doctor of the Church (meaning a great teacher). He sent missionaries into England and Ireland, and then Germany – spreading the hope and faith throughout Europe. He was highly educated and founded seven monasteries. Eventually he even was elected Pope. As Pope, he tirelessly worked in service for the Church and indeed, promoted his favorite (and ours) title for the Pope: “Servant of the servants of God.”
I always just mostly think of my son when I think of St. Gregory the Great. And another little but extra pleasing link for me: St. Gregory’s mother was St. Silvia. My mother’s first name is Sylvia (hence, Buddybug’s grandma is Silvia). I know, teensy nothings, but yet, they make me smile. And since this saint and my boy are connected in my daily prayers, they are kind of supernaturally and eternally connected I think (and certainly are in my head).

So, I thank St. Gregory for his prayers for my boy.

And I wish him and my Buddybug:

Happy Feast Day!

Pope St. Gregory the Great, pray for us!

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on September 2, 2009 by coffeemom

For the Record: Half the grandkids
(yeah, we make up half, how ’bout that?)
on Grandma’s 75th bday last week.
Even with Little Man goofing for the camera,
one of the few of them all together, so…worth it!

>The adoption process: what they don’t tell you about coming to America

Posted on September 1, 2009 by coffeemom

>Well, there are SO many things that you cannot know before you move to America.
However, what they forget to tell you, or us new parents (tho, really, we should know better), is that there is a steep learning curve. NO, you hear and read and learn about the cultural learning curve and the language and family customs…and all those will be topics of posts to come, I am sure.

But “those experts” don’t lay out the VIRAL LEARNING CURVE.

It’s the same formula as starting school -its a new math:
New people + new food + new place = EVERY virus hits!

Every single virus and contagion that comes down the pike is gonna hit the new kid, flat.
It’s like starting a new school in a new state.
It’s like being a pediatric resident the first few years.
It’s like visiting relatives who live across the country.
It takes a bit of time to inoculate your immune system against all the garden variety American bugs and viruses. So, since we have a “gulfa” in the house….so does Marta. Gabey did this too.
I guess I just forgot.
So, America doesn’t only come with birthdays and ice cream…it comes with head colds.
{Consider this a public service announcement, from one adoptive mom to another. You’re welcome.}

>Popularity

Posted on August 31, 2009 by coffeemom

>Or, more precisely, how to be UNpopular.

Just in case you were wondering how to achieve this famed state, I offer the following, with guaranteed results:

Tell boys they may not whack the heck out of each other with the sticks in the yard {playing, not fighting, but still…}.
Tell the wild man that he cannot skateboard off the brick stairs at any speed, especially not high speed.
Remind them to take their medicine even if its yucky.
Make soup for dinner.
Tell them no ice cream for breakfast.
Or lunch.
Tell them to turn off the tv.
Tell them to go outside and play.
Or do their homework.
Or that you quite ready and happy to go in and clean their rooms, without their help.Tell them that they cannot wear flipflops to Mass.
Make them salad with dinner, again.
Enforce the chore schedules.
Ask the daughter if she has cut her hair, again.
Tell the teen that she cannot wear makeup to the football game.
Then tell her she cannot wear makeup um, anytime, she’s too young.
Then tell her that her nose is only a little bit broken and it is still cute (just a little crooked).
Go on a date with your husband, only.
Ask them to water the flowers and garden.
Consider, out loud, getting a giant Sprinter van.

Now these are only a random selection from the past two days. But, the list, it keeps on growing and growing…and I am an expert on this one!

>Supernatural Smile for A Sunday

Posted on August 30, 2009 by coffeemom

>Now, this is an odd one and maybe you’ve seen it. But seems somehow fitting for a Sunday.
This monk smiled, AFTER he died, after he was prepared for burial. Not a single muscle contraction, but a full face smile.
Go, read and see for yourself. Ya gotta wonder…..It makes me smile too.
h/t: the Anchoress.

>Martrydom of St. John the Baptist

Posted on August 29, 2009 by coffeemom

Carvaggio, 1608

Ok, that title is a more polite way of describing this event. In my house full of rough and tumble boys, they tend to use the other, more graphic title: The Beheading of John the Baptist.

Sigh.
I guess in our modern era of shock tv and horror movies, even this grisly story seems tame.
What a shame. Maybe it should shock and make our stomach’s flop and faces wince.
It does mine.
I used to (still do, really…sometimes) wonder why we had to have these gruesome stories in the bible, and even commemorate them. I mean, really? As they say, “Why can’t we all just get along?” Why can’t it be “nice?” Let’s just look at the pretty stuff…..yes, Pollyanna….

But as we all know all too well, REAL life isn’t always pretty. Real life has real hurt, real gore, real unexplainable happenings, that can’t be explained away….except perhaps by the real existence of evil and our all too human nature to be seduced by it.
And this true story, that we remember especially today, is about evil, to be sure.
I mean, Salome asked for the head of John the Baptist on a platter…because her mother told her to ask as she danced. Her mother was so torqued at John for calling out Herod on his adultery (with her), that she pressed her daughter to ask for his death, and decapitation at that.
Talk about a vengeful woman…

Anyhow, this story is not only about that evil impulse and gory act. It’s about John the Baptist being both a harbinger of Christ and His sacrifice to come, but also a man who stood up for Truth – no matter what.

Massimo Stanzione c. 1634.

Now, even in our modern days, holding onto truth can sure get hard. Especially when so much of the idea of truth has become a dull gray slide rule……there is not much black and white anymore; absolute truths or rights or wrongs. Or, so it seems in our popular modern culture. And yet, of course, there still is real truth, but it’s not always popular or ‘pc’ or whatever. And while I haven’t heard to too many folks getting beheaded for being ‘non-pc’ lately, there is still a pressure out there to just…not. Not get involved. Not care. Not worry about anyone else. Not call it like it is. Not get into anybody’s business.

But really, it IS a fine line. I myself have more opinions than most, but I find the words “Judge not” ring in my ears. So, how to jive that all up? I don’t know. I tend to do the best I can on the fly. Which is probably pretty poorly, most of the time. I’ll either get too timid to speak up, or too tired, or I will speak up and stick my foot in it. Typically I just throw my opinions out there anyhow.

So, I can let my boys play with swords and be good guys and bad guys; acting out the scary hard ideas of good and evil, right and wrong. And this story can have a place in that sort of teaching, eventually. St. John the Baptist teaches us that we should not be afraid. That speaking the Truth is hard, possibly even dangerous. There is real danger in life, and sometimes it cannot be escaped. But, it is worth it.

And the caveat is: the Truth is Love. Love is Truth. And so….if you (ok, me) can try speak of Truth/Love, with courage….then you or I will live it as well.

Icon written by Constantine Youssis

>Feast of St. Augustine!

Posted on August 28, 2009 by coffeemom

>Its the feast day of St. Augustine!
Ok, now this saint, from north Africa, is one of the biggies: a doctor of the church of course and one of the great writers throughout Church history. I like him for so many reasons, not the least of which is his connection with his mom and her devoted prayers for her son. You know, I will always have a soft spot for a mom and son….

His teachings are noted throughout Christendom for their lasting influence and, simply put, their beauty. Perhaps it was his years of living a life that was wild, utterly hedonistic, and dipped into all sorts of heresy and convoluted ideas of god…..but when he returned to the Faith, he did so in a big way, using his brilliant mind to convey the beauty of Truth to generations to come.
“Late have I loved you…“ Indeed. And perhaps, that is part of his appeal to so many, so many of us (ok, me), have really felt that, lived that. Late, have I loved You. I missed so much, for so long. The “band width” of my life was so slim, and I didn’t even know it. But I was fooled by the hedonistic life I lived into thinking it was so wide. I was arrogant enough to think I knew it all. Only, later, later when I finally “let go” of my grip on that did I finally come to realize how small it all was.
And then St. Augustine, once more, came through for me with one of his most famous prayers: “You have made us for yourself, oh God. And our hearts are restless, until they rest in you.” Ah. I know, I’m paraphrasing that quote, but that’s how it sticks in my head and heart. And that about sums it all up: St. Augustine, life in general, me in particular.

Happy feast day!
St. Augustine, pray for us!

>Feast of St. Monica

Posted on August 27, 2009 by coffeemom

Painting of St. Monica, by John Nava

Today is the feast of St. Monica!
Here is one of the premier examples of patience, especially for us moms.
Really, I should unofficially consider her a patron, because here is a mom who showed such patience and perseverance in prayer…and these are some of the traits (especially that whole patience thing) that I severely lack.

Painting of St. Monica, by Janet McKenzie

St. Monica, a saint from north Africa, prayed for the conversion (successfully) of her husband and his mother. But, most famously, she prayed and prayed faithfully for the conversion of her wild, wayward son, Augustine. Augustine was a son that would give any mom many sleepless nights and teary phone calls with girlfriends. And while Monica wasn’t of the phone call era, I suspect she had many a night awake fretting over her boy. He was wild and ignored her pleas, getting into all sorts of revelry (can read more about him tomorrow on his feast day!).

But Monica persevered, because this was her son, she knew the truth and she had the faith that her prayers would be answered according to God’s will….sooner or later. Well, it was something like 17 years later, but it happened. Not only did Augustine turn his life around and step back onto more solid ground, but he converted to the faith and was ordained by St. Ambrose himself.

I like to think it is in no small part due to the faithful lasting sure prayers of his mom, as well as her prayerful example and steadfast love, no matter what. She didn’t shun him. She might well have corrected him, being his mom and all (whether or not he listened)…..

{I know this is an old holy card image, but it makes me laugh.
It’s St. Monica praying for St. Augustine,
but that’s the same look my boys have when I’m giving them advice…
which is surely also a scene from the life of these two!}

….but she never stopped loving him. And that is what will turn even the hardest furthest of hearts back to the truth of Real Love. So I love St Monica, and she reminds me to never give up. Ever.

Happy feast day.
St. Monica, pray for us!

>Happy Birthday Mom!

Posted on August 26, 2009 by coffeemom

It’s my mom’s 75th birthday today!
Now, she may not be thrilled with that number, but I am!
I think it’s a fantastic thing, 3/4 of a century, and she is still going strong…
healthy and busy and happy.
I wish so much I could be with her today and give her birthday hugs and wishes in person.

And while not everything has always been simple with mom, we clash on opinions and ideas sometimes, when it comes right down to it, it’s the simplest thing in the world.
She’s my mom.
I love her.

As you can see, I have her hair!
I have her hands.
I wish I had her skill with sewing and the patience that goes with it.
She is artistic and creative, always has been.
A terrific, dedicated tennis player (I wish I had that skill too!).
She taught me how to cook.
She taught me how to juggle lots of kids.
She probably passed on her love of reading to me too, as well as her love of crosswords and puzzles.
She loves to do water aerobics nowadays and always been a fiercely good loyal friend.
Even as a kid, brought home stray puppies and still loves nature, from bugs to ocean waves.
A grade school teacher before she was a mom, still a great teacher and nature lover.
She is so smart, but never really gave herself credit for it.

Over the years I have fussed at her and about her, for different things, big and small.
I was young and foolish, mostly, but didn’t even know it.
As I too, age up a bit, I notice more and more that things I didn’t understand before, now make more sense and I have more insight into the why’s of them.
And they don’t make me fuss anymore, they make me understand and accept.
I can only hope that my children will follow that same path, eventually.

And I hope that as I grow older I make it to my 75th, as healthy as she has.
And that while I have her hands, her hair and her feet, I hope I also have her capacity to love.
Because no matter what, when it comes down to it, if I or any of her kids really need her, she is there: caring, helping, biting her tongue if she needs to maybe {or not, ha! we gals in this family are nothing if not opinionated}, but loving all the same.

Happy 75th Birthday Mom!
I love you.

>Tiptoes

Posted on August 25, 2009 by coffeemom

>So, we are tiptoeing around here. Ok, I am. And by that I mean that we are gingerly tiptoeing our way through the adjustment process, blundering here and there but making tiny steps forward.

Yes, I am mostly talking about me {duh, of course}, but really it does all apply to the whole family. Because make NO mistake, anytime you add a child the entire family has to morph and stretch and pull and squish over to make room. And I know, they tell you this in the books and so on. But really, it’s just so much different living it and then again, living it adjusting to the push/pull, embrace/release, with an older child. {And I know that I’ve whinged on about this weird twilight zone time of transition already…and it’s so different from last year’s transition with Gabey as a toddler…but since we are still in the throes of it, well, you are too! Because that’s what this blog is babeee…if it’s on my mind, it’s on blog. }

This transition time is something that can’t be totally described with precise instructions and or diagrams…but wouldn’t that be great if it could?!
Imagine: “Instructions: 7. Try to understand when new child retreats behind headphones or to bed early. It’s probably just a small bout of overwhelmed and needing space.”
Or, “12. When two teens try to share a bathroom, particularly if both are female, adjustments in timing will need to be made on all sides. This might take some preplanning and/or extra clocks, strategically placed. Consider investing in extra hair products and towels.”

So, without said instructions, we are trying not to bruise too many shins or hearts or heads along the way, even as we clumsily tiptoe toward a new normal for our family.

Buddybug left for college again, which was a sad day and a sad weekend, especially for Marta and I (ok, a bunch of us). But it seems that just-about-daily phone calls help, especially if that call can be via Skype. And even though Marta is still not speaking much English at all, it is getting slightly less strange overall. I can ask for help in setting the table or taking this plate over to the baby and M understands and so somehow, it feels like we are communicating. School is the main event of the day for us all; for the kids who go out of the house to school and for the kids at home. This is allowing me to really work intensively with both Sbird and Marta and I think it’s showing a benefit in both of them, at the very minimum they seem to do well with the extra mom time.

And I guess, really, that’s the biggest change. Ssshhhhhh. I don’t want to say it too loud. But then again, we Catholics don’t believe in superstition, so that whole “jinx” it concept shouldn’t apply.

But, I’ll say it out loud (not shouting yet tho) I am moving into a new mom spot. One that is not having to scooch over so much for a “new kid” but is instead moving more into the reflex of “one of the kids.” Soon?…I pray, for the fierce deep feeling (I know, it’s not about the feelings, but I crave them)…..”My girl.” I am not totally there yet, we need oodles and oodles of time. But the one on one during the day is helping ease off some of the stiffness and strangeness for each of us. And for me, that is huge! Call me stiff, call me cold, you could and you’d be right. Mea culpa. And I hate learning that about myself (tho some might not be surprised, Nancy, I know).

Perhaps the biggest surprise and disappointment to me this go-round is that this is all taking unexpected time for me to feel normal and for the family to feel normal {Right, patience is obviously not one of my virtues}. Because we are not, not “normal” {Read: the old normal}, anymore. We need the time to make it through to the new normal.

And we are NOT there yet, but in a way, if I stretch my neck I think I might be able to see it on the horizon. And even being able to know it can maybe get there, helps my steps be more sure. And as my steps stop faltering, become more sure…as I smile and tease and trim hair and high five, then everyone else’s steps also stop shuffling and stalling. I don’t have to tiptoe around the pitfalls of presumptions and gaps and fear and otherness quite as much. And that makes everything better, for us all. I’ve never been one for toe shoes…too clumsy. So, I hope I’m done tiptoeing and can now just keep trying to walk forward, with the whole family, to a new normal that feels just right.

>Perks

Posted on August 23, 2009 by coffeemom

>There are perks to having a teen son.
Yes, sometimes you have to put up with the “stone face,” above.
But other times you get to take advantage of some of the perks…by which I mean, the friends.
Nice friends drop in, visit this teen boy, and hang around the house with him.

In this instance, I am specifically referring to a certain cute sweet girl, great friends with my Booboo. She has a kind and generous heart and has moved right to the top of my “You’re awesome” list.
See, on Friday night, Booboo was persuaded to take his new sister Marta to the school’s first official football game of the season. Coffeedoc was going too, but as team doc he had to be on the field. The Prima Diva, also known as Bananas, was all too busy being a social butterfly to watch the game.

So I knew we needed to pull in the big guns: the big brother. He agreed to take her to the game and sit with her and keep her company – Marta loves football {so far}.
What I didn’t expect was that his girlfriend would gladly sit and visit with Marta, look at pictures on her Ipod, and help her find the way through the big school to the restroom even. When I thanked her today (as she visited the house), she said easily “It was my pleasure.” Aw, gracious too.

Marta came home grinning from ear to ear, and talking in a rapid mix of Amharic and English about her “great brother” and his “konjo beautiful good nice friend, oh mom, she’s good nice beautiful, happy happy, good night.” So, now Marta thinks this girl hung the moon.
So do I.

That’s one of the delightful unexpected bonuses of having teens in the house: the remarkable nice friends. {You’re right Booboo: totally blogable.}

I’d say pretty, inside and out.

>The Queen

Posted on August 22, 2009 by coffeemom

Detail of painting by Van Eyck

Today we celebrate the Queenship of Mary.
This is a devotion that helps us remember Mary’s special place in our hearts and the heart of her Son. Indeed, many might object: considering a mere girl a Queen, of all things! And Queen of Heaven, even! The idea of it! Hmmmm…..

But really, it is the idea of it that is so cool, and the reality of it is mindblowing. Here is a mere girl, ok, eventually an old woman (most all of us get there, even Mary) and she lived her life so tuned into God’s call that she is an example for us all.

Even considered as Queen of Heaven, Mary still, always and eternally, points to her Son. “Do whatever He tells you.” {John 2:4-6) It’s not about her and her power trip, like a bad movie (like it would be for me, think of the control issues, ah!). It always, always, is about her son, Christ.

When we ask Mary to pray for us, turn to her for consolation and support, she understands and loves us enough to pray to her son on our behalf. Her love, as a perfect mom with perfect love, is unfailing for us as well. I can use a big dose of that…most every day! So, yeah, I dig this concept and I do think of her as Queen of Heaven in that her prayers are heard and we can ask for them. And what perfect Son doesn’t listen to his mother?

Another way that I think of it is this: I am “queen” of my home. I am. But that means that I am the one who cares for, tends, serves, pays attention to, and helps all the members of my family…down to the smallest details. Or, well, I try to, on a good day. Mary is that for us, for me, too. That’s the sort of “queen” that is real, instead of a mere poster queen or politically twisted definition.

And, especially now as I am learning to love and be mom to a whole new, older and different child in my home and family, I am leaning hard on my spiritual Queen, my Blessed Mother, to be an example to me on how to love better, harder, further…both in the big picture and the small details. And to pray for me and not quit, while I stumble through this awkward time. I believe she is.

Every night when I tuck Little Man into bed, we sing “Salve Regina” together (in english, not the latin). It’s a favorite hymn. And every night he says, “Our voices sound just the same. We sound good.” And I don’t know if that is actually true, but it sure sounds true enough right then. And I like to think that the sweetness of that sung prayer is heard and understood by our Blessed Mother, and her Son, with a smile.

Agnolo Gaddi, “Coronation of the Virgin,” 1380

“Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy!
Our life, our sweetness, and our hope!
To thee do we cry, poor banished
children of Eve, to thee do we send
up our sighs, mourning and weeping
in this valley, of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate,
thine eyes of mercy toward us; and
after this our exile show unto us the
blessed fruit of thy womb Jesus;
O clement, O loving, O sweet virgin Mary.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God

That we may be made worthy of the
promises of Christ.

Amen

>Little letters, big progress

Posted on August 21, 2009 by coffeemom

>So, this is just a short notice on short words.
We have made a baby step of progress this week, our first real week of school for all the elementary students.
For this particular student, happily smiling above…..we have made little letters of progress.

But OH what big steps they are!
This sweet girl is starting to read!
our Marta can recognize most of her letters, and usually gets them right (tho occasionally needing to sing them to remember).
And she has read these words:
Fox
Box
Cat
Hat
Sun
Egg
Dog
woman
man
mom
dad
fish
sat
mat
sam
and
go
duck

Now, that may not mean much to most of you.
But around here it was cause for whooping and high fives….because this is beginning steps to decoding, in my book.
Cool!

And those are the words that she read and also can understand (tho, she forgets now and then) what they stand for, connecting the word with the actual meaning or object.
Even so, we have a long way to go…she will forget the letter names then remember them again…but it’s a tough language.
Even so, I’m happy for any of these small steps.
Now “my book” isn’t anything official, its just me and my opinions…one mom’s ideas.
But this mom thinks that this can be the beginning of unlocking a strange new difficult code, aka: english!

So, yeah, it was a pretty exciting week.
I think those first words are exciting, no matter when they click!
And to see those eyes light up with pride and glee, it’s always great, no matter what.

>Happy Birthday Coffeedoc!

Posted on August 20, 2009 by coffeemom

Happy Birthday to my sweet husband!
Yup, 48 years old today!
{Once again, older than me, dear.}

I wish you the best of birthdays and for all your birthday wishes to come true!
Your requested dinner of homemade tamales and german chocolate cake is in the works…and should be yummy for all.
Your present is a big secret for now, but we are pretty excited about it….especially one of your sons.

We are all so grateful for your birthday and all that it brings us: you.
Lover of music.
Extra great dad.
Terrific husband, rock for your wife.
Faithful; sincerely loving your faith and church.
Good eater, loves my cooking.
Patient, with a long fuse and a steady stance to withstand the many moods in this family.Kind of Crazy driver.
Fix-it guy – there is nothing that a cool tool or spreadsheet can’t make better – somehow.
Always a little late, but trying, perpetually and earnestly, to change.
The smartest man I know.
Pack rat, never know when you might need that.
Tireless warrior, going up against all odds to advocate for our kids, no matter what.Night owl, striving to be an early bird against all odds.
Make me cry with your guitar and singing of Fire and Rain, Sweet Baby Jane.
Growing old gracefully, unlike your wife.
Plotter, always cooking up something new.
Intense, but calm.
A contradiction in many ways.
The blueprint for so much of the character and traits in my kids.Steady best friend, no matter what.
Picks me up when I am at rock bottom, gently.
Committed, come what may, to this family and each person in it.
Outstanding surgeon and doc.
Apologetics, church history walking encyclopedia.
Boat lover.
Cat tolerator for the kid’s sake.
Dreamer, schemer.
Inveterate traveler, no such thing as ever too much travel, there’s a whole world out there!Adventurer, in your heart even when you cannot be one in real life due to the world of responsibilities on your shoulders…that you carry without complaint.

You are greatly loved by many.
And we celebrate your birthday today with grins and cheers.

Happy Happy Bday honey, we love you!

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on August 19, 2009 by coffeemom

Everybody loves Dr. Seuss,

great for learning words, great for learning english.

>Feast day of St. Jane Francis de Chantal

Posted on August 18, 2009 by coffeemom

>Today is the memorial of St. Jane Francis de Chantal.
Now, she is a fascinating saint to me because, for one thing, she was mother to seven children.
That’s right!
Mom to seven kids, and STILL she made it to sainthood.

I’m tellin’ ya, it gives me hope, it does.
If nothing else, here is a gal that I figure can understand me to a fair degree and I can hit up for prayers on my behalf.
We moms of big families stick together!

She was french, born into a noble family. She also married a nobleman. Which is cool in it’s own way because, once again, we see that saints can come from any circumstances; it’s the disposition of our hearts and the choices we make, not the situations we are born to that determine the outcome. I think that’s fairly encouraging! St. Jane was widowed due to a hunting accident – her husband was shot. She struggled for many years to forgive the man who killed her husband; eventually she succeeded after much prayer and counsel.

Her closest counselor, friend, confident was none other than St. Francis de Sales (another top notch fav saint, and the author of this amazing book). So, here we have St. Jane showing us the importance of true friendship and how a holy friendship can lead to amazing things. Another reason I am keen on her. Her long friendship with St. Francis led her to eventually found the order Visitation nuns. Eventually she founded eighty-five convents.A woman who can be a mom to a bunch of kids, manage her household in a holy manner, forgive the hardest things and be a long and true friend, and still then manage to found an organization that does eternal good in the world…..now there is an example!
I have much to learn from a woman like St. Jane.
She is not of this era, but I daresay that Oprah and the modern reality tv micro-celebs could take a lesson from her too!

St. Jane de Chantal, pray for us!

>First Day!

Posted on August 18, 2009 by coffeemom

>Today was Little Man’s first day of Kindergarten. Wow. Already.
He was SO excited, of course. I was too. I knew he’d love it and he is just so ready.
At one point, just before we took the picture above, he was standing in the kitchen, ready to go. Excited, impatient. Then, his eyes kind of widened and his smile faded briefly…..”I’m a little nervous,” he said. I laughed and smiled and told him, “You’re gonna do great!”

And he did.

He got into the car telling me of the important things he did today: met two new friends, the name he could remember was “Sam.” The teacher told the kids to use their “inside voice.” He played on the big playground: freeze tag, transformers, red rover, regular tag…the good stuff. Then we met Buddybug for a celebratory lunch out. Little Man ordered a cheeseburger and before taking even one bite, fell asleep in my lap in the booth.

A perfect first day at school.

>The Assumption

Posted on August 15, 2009 by coffeemom

>Icon of the Assumption

Today is the Solemnity of the Assumption.

And solemnity doesn’t mean, necessarily, somber and morose…rather it can mean big time, important. Meaning, it’s a holy day of obligation, go to Mass. And while this is one of the “biggie” (Yes, I spent my summers in the seventies on the beach, we used that term, so what?) solemnities in the Catholic calendar, I don’t have the energy to give you all the scholarly apologetics behind it all (go see the link above for a start).

As an aside, however, Coffeedoc pointed out that today was the feast of the Assumption to Marta – Ethiopian Orthodox celebrate this feast in a big way and it is called “Filsata Mariam” – and she jumped up and down with excitement. So it’s a big deal even in the the other ancient Christian faith traditions.

Ethiopian Orthodox Marian icon.

Suffice it to say that this Solemnity is totally cool and has so many threads connecting it all that it blows my mind with a grin. And that, as so much of life is, it’s one of the Mysteries. That’s mystery with a capital “M;” theologically speaking. By which I mean, if I really could understand it through and through, well, I would be be both presumptuous AND wrong. Because some of the mysteries that make life and faith so rich, are not for my puny mind to dissect.

So, that all disclaimed, ahem, I give you my personal gloss on this feast day (My blog, massively opinionated, you knew it was coming.):
Mary was a mother who loved with perfect love (unlike myself). Her son was a perfect son, who also loved with a perfect love. Now, if I, with my very imperfect love can love my sons SO much that it can make me cry and mope when they leave for their very fun new exciting lives in college (Next week, I”m just saying.) once again……then how much more so did Mary ache to see her son leave this earth and his time with her in such a grisly unbearable event? And how much did she miss him, achingly miss him, all those years? And therefore, at the end of her life, when she was able to be reunited with her boy, her Son….just think of the joy, the unbridled radiating shimmery JOY, of that reunion! And in this feast, we believe that they were reunited in Heaven.

Frankly, I simply love everything about this. I mean, just having my boy come back home after a few months at college makes me want to whoop, jump for joy, run down the stairs and hug him tight, not let go, feed him pie and just look at him. It makes me ridiculously happy. So, this feast is a promise of that to me, that reunion, that that kind of love between mom and son (or, ok, kids, but hey, let me run this out), doesn’t just die out…it is eternal. And that is the best promise of all and that is nothing but cool.

So, there, moms….that’s something to smile about.
Happy Solemnity of the Assumption!

Detail of painting of Assumption, by Titian

Magnificat (Luke 1:36-55)

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord,

my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour;

he has looked with favour on his lowly servant.

From this day all generations will call me blessed;

the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his name.

He has mercy on those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has shown strength with his arm

and has scattered the proud in their conceit,

Casting down the mighty from their thrones

and lifting up the lowly.

He has filled the hungry with good things

and sent the rich away empty.

He has come to the aid of his servant Israel,

to remember his promise of mercy,

The promise made to our ancestors,; to Abraham and his children for ever.
Amen.

Lodovico Caracci, The Assumption of the Virgin, about 1586-7

Another Espresso, Please

Why, yes, I did just have one, thanks…

>A WIN! Changing Lives, Families!

>For a Friday

>Downtime

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>Our Lady of Sorrows

>Exalted

>Adjustment: Marking the Good

>Adjustment: two months.

>Happy Birthday to Mary

>Happy Labor Day.

>A dear feast: Mother Teresa!

>Go Irish!

>Feast of Pope St. Gregory the Great

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>The adoption process: what they don’t tell you about coming to America

>Popularity

>Supernatural Smile for A Sunday

>Martrydom of St. John the Baptist

>Feast of St. Augustine!

>Feast of St. Monica

>Happy Birthday Mom!

>Tiptoes

>Perks

>The Queen

>Little letters, big progress

>Happy Birthday Coffeedoc!

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>Feast day of St. Jane Francis de Chantal

>First Day!

>The Assumption

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