>Adoption. Why? Ever? Now?

>Today I sat with Gabe. And for a long time, I held him. And I kissed his head, like this. Like I did when we were in Addis Ababa. When he was just learning, from scratch, that I was his mom and that I would be there – no matter what, forever.

And I had the time to think.

It’s National Adoption Month. A month dedicated to raising awareness of adoption. And in one quick way, that makes me laugh because just by walking into a restaurant, my family raises awareness of adoption! And maybe not always as the best reps, if we are having a bad day, eh?

But as I said, today, as I had time to hold and comfort and kiss my baby boy, as he recovered from a small procedure, I had time to think about the whole concept: adoption, National Adoption Month and the whys of it all. Coffeedoc too was with me and we had time to talk around this, one more time.
Obviously, adoption is a topic dear to our hearts. And the concept of raising awareness through a month dedicated to it is a grand idea. Typically it is fleshed out and presented as a (falsely) ‘noble” thing or a great service to waiting kids, another option for unplanned pregnancies. And that is all good. This month of PR gets the faces of kids out there into the media and world of the forgotten ones, the ones who just need a family.

But, the high concept begs the smaller question.
Not why in the big societal picture (that’s still big question ‘why’).
That is well documented and presented.
But, smaller:
Why? Why me? Why you? Why now? Why ever?
Why bother? Why risk? Why struggle, spend, split open your life?

And as I smelled his head and felt this sweet boy’s weight in my lap, breathing easy and still deeply sleeping, I thought about why adoption is so important on a small intimate level. I thought about one of the real deep reasons “why” for me.

Because raising these kids, loving them, working for them, fussing at them, doing for them, breathing in their smell at the top of their head as they sleep is everything.

It saves me.
It saves me from myself.

When I am doing it right, and that is really not nearly often enough, adoption, the mothering, saves me from myself.
{It’s almost a prayer: “Save me from myself O Lord!”}

And that’s a good (ok, it’s critical)enough why, for me, for now, for ever.