>Feast Days!

Posted on July 26, 2008 by coffeemom

>It’s a big weekend around here for feast days. Kind of snuck up on us, it’s been a hectic week.

First we had St. Christopher’s Feast Day, yesterday (Friday, July 25). Now officially, it was the feast day of St. James the Greater. And while I am quite sure he is an awesome guy, I mean, he’s a saint and all, we don’t have a James in our bunch and we are not all that familiar with him – despite him being the first apostle to be martyred (which again, lends itself to the awesome holy guy factor).

St. Christopher, Cologne Cathedral, Germany

But, used to be, yesterday was also St. Christopher’s feast day, until he got booted off the official saint feast calendar. And despite Sister Mary Martha really not being keen on St. Christopher (due to his dubious status), we are kind of fond of him around here. She makes a valid point that he is suspected to be legendary, lived well before tidy historical records, and thus was dropped off the formal calendar of the Church. [She explains it all well, go read.] And that is probably a good thing, as we all want the Church to be as careful as can be about the whole saint thing, making sure T’s are crossed and I’s are dotted and all; and the calendar was way too crowded and so the Church didn’t want any saints on it that couldn’t be historically traced and proven….because the whole communion of saints thing is too terrific to mess up.

But, that being said, we don’t much care if he is legendary or if he existed. I mean, c’mon, I got my graduate degree in Folklore and Folklife from U Penn, I love oral tradition and history and how it traces and carries cultures over eons (and maybe is another reason I talk and type so much…but I digress)! We love the story of this saint and he is the patron of my Buddybug, and his name means “Christ-bearer” and I think that right there is just beautiful….and very apt for my son. He is all too often the Christ-bearer in this house, bringing kindness and gentleness to our home. So, we think that while it might not be traceable that St. Christopher actually was a living man and saint, we think it is not improbable and so we will celebrate St Christopher and the concept of being a Christ-bearer. That is worth a bit of thought and attention on any given day and yesterday was the day to do it in our house.

Saints Joachim and Anne, at the Church Saint Pantaléon, France.

And tomorrow, Sunday, is the feast day of St’s Joachim and Anne. It’s another patron of one of my kidletts: Bannas. These two are considered to be the grandparents of Jesus during His life here on earth, Mary’s mother and father. Anne is also the patron of all christian mothers and Joachim, of christian fathers. And while we don’t know so much about these two, we can presume they were typical grandparents, crazy in love with their grandson and proud of their daughter and her husband (I mean, they are saints, not petty grouchy old folks like some, and no I”m not pointing any fingers). So, tomorrow we will ask them for a few extra prayers on behalf of our sweet girl and for our family – as well as for all the orphans who are waiting for new families across the world.

Some might think it’s nuts or strange to think about saints and feast days, much less have a bit more prayer and/or celebration, but well the communion of saints is the coolest thing. I love having a big old extended family to hit up for prayers and support, whether they are here walking the earth or have moved beyond this world. I have had so many stop me and ask, “what do you mean, asking ‘a saint’ to pray for you….that’s wrong, you should just ‘pray to Jesus.” Well, yeah, I do. And will. But I also tend to ask my close friends and family for prayers, heck I’ve been known to call them up and beg! And it is no different asking a saint for prayers, except that they are closer to God, in the Beatific Vision itself, and no longer all smudged up by our natural tendencies toward selfishness and concupiscence. So, heck yeah, I’ll hit up a saint for prayers, I’ll take all the help I can get.

As for feast days, it’s always nice to remember family on their important days, whether or not they are still with us here. It adds a richness to our lives; it helps us move out of the immediate craziness and think about a bigger time frame, the eternal one. So, we like feast days around here, especially those of our patrons. So we’ll remember them and their lives, look to them for good example and ask for a prayer or two; if we are lucky we can celebrate with a traditional tasty dessert! Life is hard, why not have a bit more fun and enjoyment, another layer of richness woven in, when you can? It works for us!

So, for all those parents, grandparents, and families out there: St’s Joachim and Anne, pray for us!

>Friday Follies

Posted on July 25, 2008 by coffeemom

Daughters are fun!

No time to post this morning, so I thought I’d put up a pic that makes me smile and to brighten our dark rainy day here (which means it’s a soup night! We love soup!). Many things swirling in my gerbil wheel of a mind…..but for now, running late. So, for now you get fun toes. Meanwhile off to the Friday favorite morning: coffee with a pal and adoration…ah bliss.

>Making me Wacky

Posted on July 22, 2008 by coffeemom

>Baby Gates.

They are making me a bit nuts.

We have an older house.
Which means, wacky stairs in wacky places.

Which means, NOTHING is standard.

Which means, the gates don’t fit right.
Which means, wacky homemade modifications.

I don’t know why this surprises me.

And, he’s a climber.
Sigh.
And, he’s fast.

So, just a tiny bit wacky.

>The Grammar of Love

Posted on July 19, 2008 by coffeemom

>In the past day or so, I’ve had this conversation and/or topic come up more than four times. So I’m guessing that it might be worth a post. Many of you, the 7 or so who follow this blog, have already heard or know all this….but like I said, it keeps coming up.
So…..
Bear with me. It’s long (I know, you’re shocked).
It’s not a glamour post for me…it’s the dark side, people.
The side I’m least proud of.
But it’s truth.
And, for you moms about to bring home your first or another, maybe it will set your minds to rest.
It’s a scary thing, having a kid.
Baby, toddler, older child…bringing one home, from the hospital biologically or from elsewhere through adoption….well, I think it can be terrifying. It can be ecstatic, but it can be terrifying too.

Maybe it should be.
Sigh, read on.

A long time ago, I thought I had it figured out. I had the “mom” thing worked out. I knew how to do it, mostly. I knew how it worked. I knew all about love.

I mean, I had gone through a number of years of marriage, some of them rocky. And we were still together, against all odds.
I had given birth to three children, so hey, I knew how all about that kind of consuming cosmos changing love.
And I had even adopted. Not once, but all at once, twice!

And that’s when I realized it.
I didn’t know spit about love.

Because all of a sudden, it wasn’t a Hallmark card anymore.
It looked a little bit like a Hallmark Movie, without the glamorous actors.
The screenplay would’ve read like one, since our first adoption set, of a surprising TWO girls [born 4 days apart, two separate adoptions, suddenly] was a unique and God sent gift. (and a long story, for another post)
But underneath, there was a rumble. An earthquake, way deep under the surface.

Because for me, this is where my preconceptions, my lofty concepts and tidy packaged notions of what love meant came utterly unraveled.

I had thought Love was kind of like, you know, LUUV.
It felt all fluttery or breathless and deep at the same time. It could take your breath away and lift you to the highest piers. It could wrap you in the soft comfort and you could burrow in with a sigh.
And it can. It did.
But that’s the adjective kind of love.
It’s great stuff, don’t get me wrong. I crave it, we all do and happily enough, it’s there. And was.
But with adoption, that was when I learned the most real kind of love.
The truth.
(And I know, you’re way ahead of me. I told you I was a slow learner, didn’t I? You would’a thought a baby girl with dreadful colic would’ve taught me, huh? Again, sloooww learner. Kinda dense. That’s me, but I digress).
But the real truth – the real love….is a verb.

Love is a verb.

Love is doing. Period.
And because I am so dense, God had to send me MORE children to teach me this.
So He did. And I learned. It was not easy.
I learned that when you are overwhelmed with the change of family, from three to five children and all of them young enough to be very needy…love becomes stretched. Or it seems like it does, or did. Not necessarily stretched in an immediate ‘bring them into the cushion of my embrace’…but stretched in the sense of “oh my goodness, how do I do this and I’m not FEELING any flutters or torrents of emotion, unless you count the flutters behind my burning sleepy eyes and the tears about to flood!”
And I cried. And I was shocked and despairing at my utter failing.
As a mom. As a person. I didn’t love enough, somehow, I thought.
I didn’t FEEEEEEL the feelings that they say you are supposed to feel, I thought.

I wasn’t being lifted. I was sinking, I thought.

I wasn’t really.
I was learning, and growing, and loving.

Thank God, literally, for the graces bestowed on the sacrament of marriage.
Instead of wondering what was wrong with me, or worst of all, scoffing it all off my husband smiled at me, unconcerned, although of course, concerned…..
I would follow him around the house, carrying one or two of the babies, saying, “Yeah, I know, I love them…but, it’s so much, so much to do…..will I feel it? Will I love them enough????”

Because I knew. I found out – how shallow and needy I am (still).
Because it was about me.

He would smile at me. Then he would take one and hold her.
And he said, “Just DO for them.”
“Huh? Are you not watching me, that’s what I’m doing!”
“That’s right. That’s just right” he would smile.
And when he would see my eyes about to pool over, and me look at him in dismay, he would remind me, “DO for them, the feelings, the depth of feeling, will come. That’s what makes the truest love. DO for them. Don’t worry. Do for them”
So I did.
I walked the floors with the one who (still) hates change and was fussy.
I held the prickly one who couldn’t be still but was electric and could light up the room.
I made endless bottles and changed endless diapers.
I rocked.
I rocked.
I lost count of the times I got out of bed at night, 3, 5, 8 times a night, the times we stood there together, both falling asleep as we soothed them back to sleep. (no it is not easy to get two babies on the same schedule, at least it’s not one of my skills).
I slept standing up sometimes, holding them until they would be sleepy and willing to be put back in their crib.
I swapped back and forth with my husband, nuzzling little necks and smooching chubby cheeks.
And one day, not long after (and those days are a blur, I lost time, the pics don’t reflect the time it took, don’t freak out) I realized it.
OH, how I loved them. With the whole deal….the schmaltzy songtrack, jump in front of a train for them loved them.
And then I realized. He’s right: Love is a verb.

It’s great when it’s the adjective love…but that is really all about ME.

REAL love, caritas, charity, the gift of love, is a verb.
It’s the doing, whether or not you’ve got the feeling…perhaps MORE so if you don’t.

And honestly, as a mom, that is the most important thing to remember.
And honestly, as a mom, I totally forget. (slow learner, remember?)
I am quite sure that is why God keeps sending me more children, seven now. For me to learn, somehow and eventually, and maybe permanently. Because He knows how MUCH I will love these children, in all the ways that can be love. He knows better than I.
And with my now rather largish family, I have so many chances to practice.
And when I have bad days or the kids are in an irritating phase or patch, when I am in an irritable phase or patch, it’s easy to forget that despite the fact that the LOVE of them all, already (hold this child in Addis…done for) even this newest one, is long established, the Love of them is a willed action. I have to love them, do for them, no matter their (or my) sulks or moods or missing chores. And then when I do….the LOVE of them, the gushy feeling, comes back if it’s flitted to the shadows….sooner usually.
Our faith tells us the same thing of course.
God is love.
The full grammar of Love, every part of it.
The Fruit of the Spirit is love.
The greatest of these is love.
But real Love is not the Hallmark love that our culture and media will tout, they spout the adjectival love.
But REAL love: it’s Caritas.
It’s a gift.
It’s a gift of yourself.
It reflects the greatest sacramental love.
Sacraments: outward signs of invisible Grace.
Ah.
Thank goodness it doesn’t depend on US and our feeeeelings.

It’s real.

It’s doing.

Love is a Verb.

Despite all…it’s not SO bad being a slow learner…..and really, I hope and pray to keep learning and I have a very very long way to go.
My mind reels with how much more God has to teach me, and how or what (or how many) He might send to do so. (that is the exciting part in a way)
Grammar was never my strong suit. But look at my school!

See, how beautiful are my teachers?!

>How to know you’re raising an Ethiopian

Posted on July 18, 2008 by coffeemom

Maybe he misses the spicy Ethiopian food?
So the salsa at the Mexican restaurant was as close as he’s got right now. He pushed for the chips and dipped it in the hot salsa. We held our breath, waiting for the scowl and spit out. Instead he pushed me out of the way; he wanted more.
Even cheerios are better dipped in salsa!!
Hat tip to Buddybug

>Tardy, almost Wordless Wednesday (Thursday Edition)

Posted on July 17, 2008 by coffeemom

So, I’m late. That pretty much sums up my week.

I’ve been behind since about 5 a.m. Monday morning. And you can see that this isn’t a wordless Wednesday at all, but hey, it’s Thursday now so I can yak for a moment, eh? It’s been a crazy hormonal week.

So I think this photo sums it up: what I should be doing. Not meditating, better: praying. More. Better. I’ve been distracted and harried and so my prayers are lacking. Thus, I’ve been caving to hormones and stress. ugh. So. More prayer. Maybe some time painting if I can carve out a few minutes or more. That always helps. My kids are much better at having fun, of course!

On another note, we are giddy and rejoicing for all the referrals and court passes for the Gladney families!! It’s been a flurry of fabulous news this week. So, despite my crazy week, once again we see, God is so good, all the time.

>Presence. Here. Now.

Posted on July 10, 2008 by coffeemom

>You know, it’s been a tough week with Little Man. Yeah, he’s awfully cute but he’s been feeling the fallout this week, and so have I. Each time we go on a trip, I have figured that you get approximately 3 days of fallout for every week gone, give or take a tantrum or nuclear meltdown or two.

Combine that with our own version of chaos theory – domestic version:

7c X 17d X 9s X 92L x XY7M = S3 = !*^%$#

{number of children X number of days gone X number of suitcases divided by loads of laundry, then X to an integer factor of oh, seven, on trips to the market, then the whole sum at that point again cubed if hormones or infection strike = cranky mom, thrown toys, bedroom timeouts, huffing, puffing and blow your house down temper tantrums.}
Big bad wolf in a four year old roaring version….or a 46 year old gray she-wolf version, depending on the episode.

Today however, despite the new norm (this week’s norm) of a midday meltdown by Little Man, a baby who has found the power and range of his voice but no words, and a hormonal preteen girl, I felt a fresh breath of grace, much needed. And sure enough, I read this (and of course she writes so much more, and so much better, really, go read) just after I inexplicably found the deep down nugget of enough calm to hug the weepy daughter instead of groan, and to walk away quietly after a quick short hug and direction on terms (you know: “if – then”), instead of scowl and yell at the screaming angry 4 yr old. In short, they didn’t push my buttons like they do too often.

Then Buddybug asked me to pray a rosary with him. Of course I said yes. And then I realized, ahh, the Holy Spirit was at work. I was in need of some extra help. Obviously this wasn’t my own ability to stay calm and centered. It was Grace. Needed grace (still right on the edge and I need it so) and I needed to pray a rosary…and think about the inklings that had been trickling into my cranky brain these past few days and were now gelling a tiny bit. And since I think and process best by typing, of course that meant a post, poor you.

Back to that old idea of presence. Present moment. Living in the present moment. It is one of the things I am just really bad at doing. I tend to live my life in a whirling continuous spinning gizmo of cogs, endlessly spinning on the multi-tasking of my life. My agenda, cloaked in caring for others, but really, my agendas.

Surely my mind must look something like this.
I always have multiple things going on at once. I am always spinning the next thing(s) in my head, even as I want to be here, now.

And therein lies the problem. If I am not in the moment, the present, then my presence is missing. My full presence. My essence. And then not only am I missing out, my kids and those I am with are too. It makes the complete difference between the stop, look, hug and the point, yell, scowl when the meltdowns start. It is a mindfulness that is so hard to achieve because I let my mind get so full. I don’t think this is uncommon, I think it is a malady of the modern woman’s life (but that would be another post). I do think, however, it is a selfishness {and I am hands down the most selfish person I’ve ever met…see, even there, all about me!} And that relates directly to the article on the sacrifice of love. It is worth a read. As Sister Mary Martha would say, “go ahead. I’ll wait.”

The idea of sacrifice as love is one that is easily dismissed as old fashioned, doormat, victim, self righteous, or most scathing: martyr. In our modern world you have to make sure you make time for you. “Me time.” But really, love is a pouring out of your self. It is giving up your very self and being to another, ostensibly, often, ones who mean more to you than life itself. It is being willing to stand in the tide of the meltdown tantrum and BE there instead of thinking you need to be somewhere else and will they please finish this quickly? And yet, obviously, none of us really like to do that. So, still such a struggle. Because it IS a sacrifice.

It is so hard to be present, really present. But it makes such a difference to set your (my) self aside and be there for the other – the child, the husband/wife, friend, parent. It is the difference between actual love and the mirror image. Between the gossip, the blog, the retelling. Without that presence it is the movie version of love that we play out in our heads as they spin their gizmo cogs as we think of whatever idea is clogging our brains even as we talk, hug, look at our children. It is truly, ‘seeing through a glass, darkly’ (1Cor 13).
If only I can remember to be open to the grace to be present. In the moment. Here. Now. Instead of my ideas, agendas, sacrificing the “my wants” to the moment in front of me, then and only then will I really live – and more, really love. De Caussaude has it right. But oh, I need so much grace to even get a glimmer of it. It is so hard to do. Sacrifice hurts. Love is one of the hardest things to do in the world, even as it’s the simplest too. Fallout happens. It’s gonna take me a lifetime of practice. I’m a slow learner. And then, maybe someday, I hope, I will be able to see Love, face to face.

>Half Birthday!

Posted on July 8, 2008 by coffeemom

Gabriel had his half birthday yesterday, he is now 18 months, already!!

Since we were not able to celebrate his first birthday, we figured that was a good enough excuse to celebrate his half bday!

We didn’t go nuts but he did get his two favorite things, a car and a ball.

And his life was changed forever: he had his first taste of chocolate cake!

>Look who’s talking now!

Posted on July 3, 2008 by coffeemom

Apparently, Buddybug has been having much conversation with Gabriel. Who knew? Go see.

>Tradition

Posted on June 29, 2008 by coffeemom

Cousins, friends, sibs, shovels, sand, an afternoon of digging. Ahh, Tradition.

>Beach Baby

Posted on June 23, 2008 by coffeemom

> We are happily settled in to my favorite place on earth, well, at least one of my top two or three, for sure. This is always a sort of coming home. We get to see my family and spend long lazy days on the beach. MUCH better than the bustle of LA! A better fit all around.

The kids are being beach bums. All day, hunting for shells, digging holes, snoozing in the sun, surfing, boogie boarding, jumping waves. We are getting a world class collection of shells, and what we lack in quality we make up for in sheer quantity! Sbird is the shell hunter extraordinaire, such dedication. She is my little naturalist. The divine Miss M has to be puuulllledd in from the beach at night. She would sleep on it if I let her, no such thing as too much time on the beach or in the water for her! Booboo has already begun to teach his little brother to dig the deep holes (which yes, we fill in later, no hazards left). Two are already sunburned, our fairer members. And little Gabriel Tariku….LOVES the beach! Sand is fantastic fun, great to throw, stomp, squish, rub in hair, and best of all: EAT!!!! Yes, he wants to eat it by the handful. Oy. As for the water, he loves to be taken to its edge and point. But freaks out if any attempt to go IN the water is made. Not ready for that yet.

On another note for Gabriel: he has grown two pounds, two inches. He is big and strapping and strong. He is becoming interested in finger foods, you cannot feed him with a spoon except for a bite or two of rice or spagetti. But, he has found his voice. But not in a charming baby words way. No. He has found the POWER of screeching bloodcurdling screams. For glee, for fury, for frustration. It is his omni-comm tool. All purpose, all the time. He has found his very strong will as well. That, combined with this alarming yell….well, it’s pretty fun stuff. Watch people around you jump and heads around a restaurant swivel in your direction. Better belt out another round or two real fast…….

So, in addition to Gabriel learning that sand is not for eating, we are trying to swiftly teach him other sounds and hopefully words soon. He is a baby in a big toddler body. So we are in a weird but wonderful spot with him and are relishing it, he keeps the family laughing and reminds us how quick this time goes. And for those screams, that part, really quick we hope.

I’ll try to post more if I can get some pics up. It’s so beautiful here, and kids and the beach…..such great stuff. We are all inhaling that perfect smell of salt water and sand that you can only get here. It’s not fancy, it’s better. It’s simple. Life is so good. Even with the screeches on beaches.

>A small nation

Posted on June 19, 2008 by coffeemom

>Preparing for our visit:
My nephew, dear Matti-mo, told his mom and all others for the past few days,
“We are being invaded by a small nation.”

Well…feels like….looks like…sounds like…..hmmmm he’s got a point!

>Fresh Hair

Posted on June 13, 2008 by coffeemom

As we all know, girls, it’s all about the hair!

Well, today both my nine year olds, Sbird and Divine Miss M, got their hair done. SBird got her locks freshened up and Miss M got cornrows for the summer season.

Hoorah!

And Miss M did it without tears, which is a major coup for a girl who weeps when she sees a brush and wails at the sight of a comb – yes, now that is what we call MAJOR tenderheaded! Sbird, she’s great with hair and tough, always has been. So she’s an old pro at this. And no, I did not do this, I have the good sense to Miss Suzan Mattias do it – and she’s the best! It’s a big undertaking, thank you dear SallyO,
for having the energy and patience to sit there with them! You are a lifesaver! But as you can see, it’s worth the effort. Bananas and Sally O even made a cake, rasberry chocolate, YUM!

And this is what the boys do when the girls have a hair day…they hang out, playing guitar hero and the baby version of spoons.

>Another Day Older

Posted on June 13, 2008 by coffeemom

Today is my birthday. I am 46.
I had always naively entertained the idea that I would age “gracefully”….
Whatever that meant…

HA!

Now of course, I have come to realize the truth: I have never done anything gracefully and won’t be able to do this so either.
Rather, I will do it like I do most things: clumsily, boring all around me with my vanity and driven controlling ways and opinions and ideas. And at the same time I will go kicking and griping over the cliffs of the inevitable decline and collapse of my body.

I will never be elegant and chic.

I will have very gray hair turning all too quickly to white.
I will have a thickening body being remapped with wrinkles and sags.
I will have spots from too many days in the sun.
I have my mother’s hands.

Middle age is no picnic.

Yet, despite my clumsy ways and self, I have a richly woven tapestry of a life – surrounded by so many that I love so dearly. I have the strength in my arms to hold seven children. I have the arms to hug so many others for missing moms and try to let them know that a mom loves them and it feels like this. I have been able to find niches in my heart for many here and others I have even recently met in Africa, ones I won’t see again but who will stay with me.
All that is worth every gray hair, every wrinkle, sag, and spot.

I used to be bothered by looking at my hands and seeing my mother’s. It was, somehow, shocking. But oddly enough, not anymore. They are mine. They are hers.
They’ll do.

I never used to tell folks when it was my birthday, although I’ve always told my age. Somehow it didn’t seem like I should mention it. But, then, I decided that sets a bad example for my kids. As I tell my children, birthdays are for celebrating! And so not to be a hypocrite (at least this time)….I’ve said it. And tonight I will have a piece of cake or frozen yogurt (hint hint) and kiss all my children and husband. And while the kid’s bdays and my husband’s are ever so much more fun….I am very grateful for mine.

>Crazy eyes

Posted on June 12, 2008 by coffeemom

>Ok, getting older, um, middle aged, is a drag – especially vision-wise.

It’s not so easy on the eyes, in so many ways.

Yup, I’m talking about that whole middle aged myopia thing. I’m talking about trying to stretch your arms muuuchh further than they want to go, just to read the mail. I’m talking about the toddler discovering one of his favorite games is “grab the glasses.” I’m talking about loving to read in bed and finding the glasses kind of bent out of shape when reading in bed always makes you fall asleep with your glasses on. Sigh.

So, now I’m talking about trying out contacts, again. They say they are new and gee whiz wow improved. More comfortable, more effective, and even for bifocals or multifocal vision (read: nice way to say those of you in your forties).

Now, in my late twenties I tried contacts. Same problem really, just one of my first babies and my vision issues were different and not as irritating. But at the time I thought contacts would be the answer. And so I made the big effort. Way back when it took a week almost of coal/grit in your eyes (ok, just the contact, but- felt like) to get used to the contacts themselves, forget about figuring out if they helped or not. But I did it. I got used to them and thought they were the bees knees. We spoke like that back then. Really. That is, they were spiffy until I ended up trying the sleep in them versions (what new fangled contraption is this? By jiminy this is a swell idea!). Well, soon enough I ended up really w/ coal and grit in my eye in the form of a nasty corneal ulcer. Not fun. Not pretty. I won’t forget that circle of hell anytime soon. I had to put acid drops in my eye (ok, meds) every hour for a few days {yes, waking up to do it: torture} and it left a small scar to be seen to this day. Put me off contacts for life.

Or so I thought.

Now I have a very busy, very fast toddler boy in the house again and my vision has worsened. I really DO need those darn glasses. My memory seems to be going too, however, as I put them down and then lose them. Most days. Sounds like I should give contacts a try again, eh? I thought so too.

So, I called up my trusty gal pal optholmologist and she assured me that contacts are light years beyond what I suffered before.

And she brought me a sample.

I put it in. One eye. Yes, she brought me ONE. Because apparently how they do multifocal contacts is to have one eye do the close stuff and one eye do the far stuff. And somehow your brain scrambles it all together into a coherent image, sharp and clear and comfy.

Hmmm.

Well, it’s comfy, they’ve got that right. I mean, wow what a difference! That’s cool.

But for the split screen concept? Split eye, split scrip? Not so sure. I’ve been wearing it all morning. And I am darn near dizzy. I can’t tell you how many typos I’ve even made just typing this. She warned me against driving w/ the ONE contact in. Gee, ya think? Cause my brain isn’t melding it together. I look up, it’s a blur (my kids are thrilled though because I can’t really tell what they’ve got in the other room; no doubt an entire box of cookies or open popsicles and I’m too lazy to go get up and see, so they are off the hook, for the moment – but I digress). But that’s the distance part, and granted she just gave me the reading lens. The computer is no picnic…all blurry in spots and blanking in spots. And really, I’ve been trying to do heavy reading this morning. And I can’t decide – sometimes I think, no my mind is melding, it’s melding! Cool I can read! And then I think, no, this is much like when a migraine is coming on and I’ve got blind spots. Sigh.

So, anyone use contacts for multifocal? How long did it take to scramble it? Meld it? See?

I think I might be calling my gal pal doc. Right after I find my glasses.

>How was your weekend?

Posted on June 9, 2008 by coffeemom

>Ours was great! One of my big brother’s came to visit, with his family. Seems like a no big deal thing, right? Well, no. My family all have lived far from me for 13 years…ok I have lived far from them. Depends on your point of view, eh? BUT. Too far to get them to come here. So, when they do, it’s a big time! Now, this brother has happily moved closer, only a days drive away instead of three. Wahoo! So we had a big weekend and great fun!
First time for his kids to be on a boat and tube, so much fun, talk about a rush!

Nope, not drowning, swimming in the lake – it was HOT, people!
My big brother, his sweet wife and their littlest, affectionately known as “Sea monkey.”

A great time was had by all. And while it looks like all we did was swim and boat….in actuality all we did was eat! But isn’t that what you do when you have family visiting????

>What’s in a name? Part two.

Posted on June 6, 2008 by coffeemom

>What does it mean to be called “Mom?” Well, above is a pic of one of Tariku’s “moms” at the foster care house. This woman came, on her day off, to be sure to see this boy. She took time and money on her day off work, to travel across town and hug him and hold him. To dress him in the traditional outfit made for him. And we got to thank her in person, hug her and tell her thank you so much, God bless you. What a gift.

That, what she did, is something a “mom” will do. It’s that extra effort. And that love and caring that she, among others, gave him that taught him wordlessly what it means to be loved and thus enables him to love us. To learn to love us. To let me be his new, and permanent, Mom.

Perhaps due to his being in an orphanage, Gabriel Tariku is a bit speech delayed. He babbles. He squeals, he screeches with glee. But he doesn’t have clear or patterned speech in any language. Yet. It will come. We will wait…..
And today we have heard it. That name. Mom. Directed at me. We’ve been hearing it slip by for a few days, wondering and unsure if he really was using it in an intentional and directed way. Today, he is. Clearly. He calls for me and reaches. And it makes me smile and my heart leap with joy. “Mama mama.” He has had several mother figures. And now, it is me. Only and forever. He knows me and I know him. We are each other’s.

What’s in that name? Everything.

>Home again: part three. Fallout.

Posted on June 2, 2008 by coffeemom

>As I mentioned in my last post on being home again, we were braced for the worst of adjustment. Worries about attachment issues and searing jealously floated through our brains. We braced for a tsunami of hard issues. And it didn’t happen.

Oh Ho Ho.
Yet.

Yup, we got there! This past weekend it all fell out.
Fallout.
Big time.

And you know, in a way it’s a relief because now, it totally does feel like real life. Just like the water flooding and pouring through our lights, our basement fridge going out and the dishwasher busting for good. It’s real and it happens. And this past week we were building up to it all. I was sick most of the week, not in bed but not anywhere near top speed. Then my two of my daughters started getting sick, one was down for the count this weekend.

So, let’s review: we were sick. And tired. And hey, hormonal, so that is enough to provide the recipe for it. Crankiness abounding in all.

We had a tough cranky weekend, ok, mostly Saturday.

Saturday, we tried to get the house more in order and tackle the big nasty chores (ref: nasty broken fridge). Much grousing going on.

Saturday my four year old, Little Man, looked at the baby and said “we need to send him back.” AHHHHH. There it is. Yes, we had been waiting for that one. I smiled. I said, “ya think?” He said, “yes.” I said, “um, we can’t. He stays. God brought him and when God brings us a kid they stay.” He said, “Can we go swimming?”

Don’t get all shocked now, people. It’s classic. It’s textbook. And if you have a family with more than one child, it’s gonna happen. It happened before. More than once. When my eldest finally realized his little baby brother was NOT leaving anytime soon, oh 16 years ago, he looked at him, looked at me and said “he should sleep in the trash can”. Hmmm. Sibling rivalry anyone? Um, yeah. Happily enough, they are still close best friends even now in those rocky teen years.

So I’m not looking for any long term issues by a four year old realizing the baby is here to stay. And yes, again, we told him, um, nope, we can’t send him back. He’s here for good. And yes, not 10 minutes later they were playing with cars together on the floor. Such is the life of a child: Fleeting, intense feelings.

Cranky. Grouchy. Fleeting intense feelings. Fallout. That was Saturday. A riptide of pushes and pulls, this way and that by many needs and people and feelings. Hard.

But.

By the evening. As it calmed and we sat outside for dinner and decided to be lazy after, it fell-in (so to speak) again. Things gelled again and all that cranky out of sorts-ness ebbed away.

It was the popsicles. Gabriel was just fascinated with the popsicles. So we gave him a bite. And oh, that was a surprise and how can you not just laugh at that face, those expressions, that first experience? Too funny. Too good. So, maybe he’s not ready for popsicles.

But we are ready for him.
Fallout or not.
Because fallout eventually falls in.
Every time.

So we are diving in.
Because that’s what you do in a big family.
It’s all you can do anyhow.

So come on in, the water is fine!

Just to clarify, per Booboo’s complaint that the pics don’t make sense: the top pics are of the big boys doing the nasty chores: cleaning out the fridge on the fritz and the resultant slime. Eeew.

>Good kid alert

Posted on May 31, 2008 by coffeemom

>Warning: Shameless Mom Brag

Here is my 16 year old.
He is a typical teen boy.
Loves to make jokes.
Lives for his car and it’s stereo that he put in himself (now we are not talking hot rod, we are talking old volvo station wagon…still it has it’s own charm).
Is easily irritated by little sisters.
Eating us out of house and home (standard quote: “are you gonna finish that?”)
Knows everything….ahem.

However, when he needs to, this boy can pull it off. His work ethic astounds me.

This semester he had many strikes against him and his grades:
his grandmother died, necessitating a car trip across the country (w/ mom and 5 sibs, 21 hours each way, ouch) to attend the funeral,
he broke his knee in two places in an unusual ACL injury during a lacrosse game and had to have surgery (cast, crutches, brace),
and then we hauled him off to Africa and Egypt for 11 days (missing school and two days of finals),
not to mention the ultimate distraction – a new fun cute baby brother (he loves babies).

And still: he pulled all A’s for the semester.
We are amazed and proud and he earned every one. He worked his fanny off.

Way to go Booboo! We are proud of you!
And when a mom is proud, she happily embarrasses him, publicly if possible.

>Home Again: part two. Or, how to know when you are REALLY home.

Posted on May 29, 2008 by coffeemom

>
You know, traveling is a funny thing.
It’s always great to go.
It’s always great to come home.

Adoption travel is even more so.

It is amazing to go.
And it is life-changing to both go and come home.

Whenever we go on a trip, I half joke about the hellish nature of “re-entry.” It’s somewhat akin to the re-entry of astronauts; burning through the ozone layers, possible cramping, careful debriefing and adjusting back to life on earth.

After a trip, with a big family, you have that sort of re-entry: debriefing, cramping, layers of laundry and chores just to breath again. Adjusting to life after a break.

Traveling around the world to adopt a child, we were braced for the worst of re-entry.

We had left our smallest (shh, hardest) three at home. For eleven days. An unprecedented amount of time. And they all grew at least a foot, I swear. So, as joyful as we were to be reunited, we were braced for major upheaval.

And….it didn’t happen.
They accepted the new toddler baby boy with joy and laughter.
My four year old accepted his mauling and baby wrestling with a smile and gentleness (only one small football body check in a crawling race to a car, easily corrected).

So then we waited for the meltdowns of temper and fussing.
It didn’t happen. The house exploded with the clutter of suitcases and unpacking and souvenirs. That was expected.
We waited for Gabriel Tariku to cling to me and shriek and wail or huff and puff at the unfamiliar faces and places. It didn’t happen.

Just when we started to think, “Wow, who’da thunk it, we landed in the twilight zone!?”……Buddybug was changing a light bulb as I was fixing dinner……and the water started streaming through the fixture. Raining indoors, in our hall bath. Then too the water started coming through the next ceiling light, in the hall. I ran upstairs to find my daughter in the shower (directly over the hall and bath) and the toilet overflowing and flooding her bathroom and her upper hallway as she sang away, oblivious. As I called to my

husband to come and help, quickly, my Little Man shouted from his room, “Mommy, my tummy hurts!” and ran into his bathroom. My son ran up, my husband ran up and we all grinned, “Ok NOW we are home.”

Whew.

So, now, life has returned to normal. The kids grouse about chores and squabble with each other. The baby is still trying to wrestle his next biggest brother and Little Man loves it. Our lights and baths are fixed, for now I guess. Our dishwasher is broken and needs to be replaced. And now, we are home again. And happy.

>Still in the game

Posted on May 5, 2008 by coffeemom

>This is one of the things that I love about my second son:
He is tenacious beyond belief.

This pic was sent me by the most awesome sports mom I know: Marcie – thank you!
And this I love about blogging: shameless, gratuitous posting on my kids, big and small.

It’s my Booboo. Sidelined w/ a blown out knee. But still fiercely watching the game, rooting for his team. My husband joked that “he’s channeling his inner Bond, James Bond.”

He’s loyal. He’s stubborn. He’ll be back on the field next season! And we’ll be there, watching his team too. Go Knights!

>Testing: one, two, three

Posted on May 3, 2008 by coffeemom

Another day of preparation.

This time it’s for the summer season!
Gotta clean the pool and yard.
Gotta test the water and see if it’s warm enough to go in….
I know.
That’s silly: for these three, it’s ALWAYS warm enough to go in!
If the cover is open, (and adult present, don’t worry) the water is FINE!

So, summer begins. Today. At least for an hour or two….Dive in!

>Because it’s the first of May!

Posted on May 1, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Silly boy on the first of May.
Because it’s a feast day.
Because it’s the month of May, Mary’s month – one of our favorites!

Just because it’s fun to be four in May!

>Sunday: skateboards for the pope?

Posted on April 20, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Well, you know what I love? That there is always a connection. I have found an article that will bring a smile to my kids, especially my Booboo. It’s one of those quirky asides from this serious Papal visit. That’s Little Man on the skateboard over there. Booboo’s skateboard days are on hold for a few months, ahem….crutches. But this is fun and kind of cool…if you like art or skateboards.

It’s a Papal Skateboard Contest! No, no, not for the Pope to be skating the ramps himself (although there’s an image!), but for the skateboard design/art to include his coat of arms and the theme “Christ our Hope.”

Now, I think this is cool. Many, if not most, skateboard artwork leans very far into that whole kind of goth death destruction too cool to care in your face kind of artwork. This is a welcome change. Fun. Go see!

Image above courtesy of Knights of Columbus.

>Countdown

Posted on April 15, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Three, three, three…sing a song of three. How many is three?

(Ok, for you youngsters out there, I have just totally aged myself! And if you are roundabouts MY age, you will have the echo of that song in your memory and it will be a blast from the past. You’re welcome.)

Anyhow, three girls, happy daughters from a trip years ago. Three days counting down. Three days for three other families too: the Silvestri Family, Family in Flux, and the Thornegroms.
THREE DAYS to COURT!!!

All prayers happily and gratefully accepted for a pass on court on Thursday. I will have that Sesame Street song playing all week, I fear!

>Signs of Spring

Posted on April 13, 2008 by coffeemom

>
It may be windy. It may be cold. The fields are muddy. The wind is blowing. In fact, they are forecasting snow? Tonight? Gee Whiz!

But when you see these girls, grinning and giddy. Forget bluebirds and daffodils. You know. It MUST be spring!

It’s the first game of the season. And it doesn’t matter if they lost. They got to play. And play.

It’s Spring Soccer Season, babeeee. Get your chairs and blankets and get to the game already!

>Progress….of sorts

Posted on April 8, 2008 by coffeemom

> Well, we are making progress!

My teen son went from lying on the lacrosse field, unable to move.

To lying on our sofa, with a knee of frightening and strange proportions.

To surgery.

To this, back to school with a cast and crutches, repaired but not near healed.

And now we are here: today’s much anticipated freedom from the cursed cast. Now he is in a brace! Hoorah hooray!!!

Yes, he is still immobilized and non weight bearing.
But hey, we will celebrate all little bits of progress…and scratching an itch and feeling fresh air, well that is not only major progress, but bliss!!!

You’ll be back on the fields in no time BooBoo!

This mundane post is brought to you in lieu of any adoption news, as we are still in that twilight zone of pre-court date….one more week, one more week……

>For our far-flung family….

Posted on April 6, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Easter, visiting Buddy Bug, our college boy – so we could all be together (and to hear him sing the Triduum with the liturgical choir). Yes, it’s late, but hey, better late than never!

>Still Mom

Posted on April 6, 2008 by coffeemom

>From this.
Eldest son, age 13.

Goofy fun sweet boy.

He needed mom to help make sure he had clean clothes and that they matched.

To This.

Eldest Son, 18.
He lives away at college now.

But still calls mom to walk him through, real-time, how to iron dress shirt and slacks…..two nights in a row.

A mom’s job never ends, in so many ways, even the most mundane.

Still goofy fun sweet boy…er, young man.
Love you, Buddy Bug!

>Our Backyard

Posted on April 4, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Ok, kidding.

But, it’s still raining.
And I have spring fever in the worst way!
Meaning, I have summer fever. Because spring means rain.
But I crave hot sunshine and dry roads to run on and backyards to play in.

I want to stop waiting for our boy to come home and play with him outside.
I have too much time to type on rainy days, hence my long stream of consciousness posts (and yes I type fast and don’t really edit, see below, sorry).

But rest assured, life goes on here. I have fingers gooey from marshmallow krispie bars (thank you S.P. you are wonderful, I love these!). And we spent the morning, with heroic effort by great Dad of the house, cleaning up after the dog who is terrified of stormy nights. ‘Nuff said. So. Still raining. But they do say, sun tomorrow…which means of course: the girls first soccer game! Hoowah!

Another Espresso, Please

Why, yes, I did just have one, thanks…

Category Archives: family life

>Feast Days!

>Friday Follies

>Making me Wacky

>The Grammar of Love

>How to know you’re raising an Ethiopian

>Tardy, almost Wordless Wednesday (Thursday Edition)

>Presence. Here. Now.

>Half Birthday!

>Look who’s talking now!

>Tradition

>Beach Baby

>A small nation

>Fresh Hair

>Another Day Older

>Crazy eyes

>How was your weekend?

>What’s in a name? Part two.

>Home again: part three. Fallout.

>Good kid alert

>Home Again: part two. Or, how to know when you are REALLY home.

>Still in the game

>Testing: one, two, three

>Because it’s the first of May!

>Sunday: skateboards for the pope?

>Countdown

>Signs of Spring

>Progress….of sorts

>For our far-flung family….

>Still Mom

>Our Backyard

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