>Snared, part 2

Posted on February 5, 2009 by coffeemom

Sometimes, I let myself step right into the bear trap.
And it happens that fast, one minute strolling along on a regular day, generally happy and busy, then CRACK, it snaps.

And in shock and surprise I feel the tremor of frustration and anger race right through me.
And in shock and dull recognition of this familiar path I watch it play out, once again.
The whipcord (figuratively speaking people, sheesh!) of cold anger, splaying out of the reel toward circumstances that really, in so many ways are beyond my control (hence, my frustation) but are not beyond my influence.
And that is the sharp pointed teeth of this bear trap, digging into my heart, my soul, my self.

Sigh.
It can snap as fast as a light switch flipping on.
Only sometimes do I get the warnings, the signs and signals that I’d better watch out, there are bear traps set about….

It’s so frustrating: when I fail to control that temper, when I respond to this particular, well known bear trap. It’s my job to stay calm, to get dead calm, when the one who needs me most gets so out of control. She needs me to not respond to the many buttons pushed, to the lashing attempts to provoke me, or anyone in range. When she gets like this, it is in so many ways and on so many levels, literally, physiologically, out of her control. We all know this by now.

And yet. It is hard some days. It is tiring. I fail. (See becca, is it Friday already?) And as I am the one home around the clock, I am the safest one and thus the one that gets the full brunt of it. And most days I can do well to work through it. Most days I am the one who can calm and weather the storm and understand it as well as it can be understood. It is my duty, my honor, to do so.

But some days, I find my foot in the bear trap and I don’t stay coldly flat calm. I get tired and angry or too busy and I fail. And of course, that only makes it worse; if I respond with any intensity at all. So, soon enough, I then call my fallback, my lifeline and he does the job. {I hate to call him to step in, he’s so busy.} But I’m no fool, I will use the help I can get. See, no mom of the year awards here, ever. But, his voice will be the one to stop the slide. And then we only need time.

The trap is sprung. The day goes on. We pick up and begin again.

>A tragic loss.

Posted on February 4, 2009 by coffeemom

>All over the Catholic blogosphere is the shocking news of the sudden death of Catholic author, speaker and blogger, Michael Dubriel.
I didn’t know him, of course.
But I knew his books, we have his books. We have given away his books.
I know his wife’s (Amy Welborn) books and blog and have sent her posts to family many a time and given her books as gifts and giveaways.

This is horrible hard news and we send our prayers and thoughts to the family.

For those of you who might be interested, Danielle Bean is setting up a fund for the family (and she is trustworthy, it will get to them), go here.
And even more: all the proceeds from their books go to the children’s college fund, ever more needed now.

So, go look, his books are great, as are hers. Yes, they are about Catholicism but in an easy, down to earth style of writing that makes them easily understood and readable. If you have any interest at all….buy them, they are worth a look and they go to a good cause.
Anchoress has an easy link to the books.

Some of the ones we especially like are “The Power of the Cross“
and “The Words We Pray“
and “Here. Now“
and “The How to Book of the Mass”
Perhaps most useful of all, Fr. Z is gathering a spiritual bouquet for the family. Go here.

Please, pray for the repose of his soul and keep this family in your prayers.

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on February 4, 2009 by coffeemom

February homeschool blues.
Our school week so far has been quite a lot of this:

Hopefully, it will soon (today please) turn to this:

I’m just saying, “whew!”

>Happy Birthday Julia!

Posted on February 3, 2009 by coffeemom

Today is the birthday of our Julia, Myeung-Ju Kim.

She was our exchange student, who lived with us for two years and became a part of our extended family. She feels like one of our kids, although she has her own very loving family in Korea too. We are her “American family.”
She was in the same graduating class as Buddybug, though she liked to remind him she was a bit older than he. I think we count her as 20 today, although in Korea the count seems to be ahead, 22? (Help me Julia, I always mess this up, it’s so confusing.)
She made many friends here in America and still keeps in touch with them as well, even now as she is in her second year of college in Korea and doing very well.Julia was crazy for fashion and food and friends. She loved to travel and to eat and to sing and dance. She loved to jump on the trampoline and play with the littler kids. She loves pictures and movies. No surprise, she knows three languages and is working on her fourth, Japanese.
We hope she has a wonderful happy day with her grandma and family. We hope all her birthday wishes come true. And Julia honey, if you are reading this, if I could I would make you spaghetti and carrot cake and we would light the candles and sing.

Happy Birthday Julia, we love you!
Our bday wishes and prayers for you are zinging across the world.
Happy Birthday Myeung-Ju!

>Silly, Weird and just odd

Posted on February 3, 2009 by coffeemom

>Just to show you we aren’t always serious, all the time…
And that we like some silliness on a Monday….
And to prove to anyone who wonders, just how much I love my husband…
I submit this:
Yup, it’s Groundhog Day.
And though I think think this is one of the goofier (even bizarre) traditions in our country (I mean, c’mon, look at those guys: top hats, groundhogs?!), it does marginally appeal to the latent folklore student in me.

Apparently, the verdict/prediction for this year is 6 more weeks of winter. Ugh. That makes this groundhog a little lower on my good list. We have our own personal groundhog here. He (or she, I haven’t gotten close enough to check) waddles up into our yard from the bluff quite often as the weather warms. And it is no big surprise then that we haven’t seen him in months. I guess all these groundhogs got the memo about winter from Phil. We haven’t named him yet, unless you count “Lookmomthereheisagain!” I guess we have a few more weeks ahead to work on a name for this spring anyhow.Anyhow, you might be wondering about the ‘just how much I love my husband connection” from above. Here it is:
Yup, that’s right. Ssshhhhhh. I bought him this as a surprise (hopefully you’ve opened it by now honey) for tonight. Because he loves this movie. And it makes me crazy. I don’t know whether it’s the young Bill Murray who makes me crazy or the wacky time loop thing….because time loop/travel movies kind of scramble my brain. I found this out years ago and have done minor gymnastics over the years to avoid seeing it when he finds it on the old movie channels….that and I’ve read a few good books instead while he and the boys laugh and mimic. But it’s a cold Monday, so I figure he will need a laugh tonight after a long day. So I have this, waiting, and am feeling all virtuous in the nice wife department. I might even watch part of it with him and the big kids…..as long as I can stand it.

Happy Groundhog Day! Might as well bundle up: six more weeks of winter…?

>Feast Day: the Presentation in the Temple

Posted on February 2, 2009 by coffeemom

Today is the Feast of The Presentation.

It is the solemnity, the remembrance of when Mary and Joseph took the infant Jesus to the Temple, and presented him there as offering and thanksgiving to God. It is the mystery we meditate upon for the fourth decade of the rosary.

This is an interesting feast to me, there is so much here. It is also known as Candlemas, as traditionally candles are blessed at the Mass of this day. I think that connection is due to Christ being the light of the world and thus candles are a literal reminder and link for us of that (but that’s just me). But this is the day when Mary bundled up her sweet baby, her miracle, and took him to the Temple, alongside Joseph. It was a duty and possibly a hassle, but she did it and I can only wonder if she did it with that sense of pride and joy in this perfect little baby boy, or with a pause in her step, not sure what this would mean?

The Presentation in the Temply, by Fra Angelico

February is the month of the Holy Family. And in fact, we are taught that this feast is a bridge, from the feast of Christmas to the penance of Lent. From the birth to the death of Christ. It is a foreshadowing. His baby swaddling is often depicted very much like the wrapping found in the tomb (which really gets to the mom in me, it’s jarring, every time I see it..as it should be, sigh). It is forty days after his birth (no insignificant number that). It leads us into the beginning of lent, later this month. And just so we all can understand the symbolism, we are given Anna and Simeon speaking to Mary: prophecy.

Simeon praises that “my own eyes have seen the salvation which you have prepared in the sight of every people: a light to reveal you to the nations and the glory of your people Israel.”

And Anna tells Mary that “a sword shall too pierce your heart.”

So, my goodness, what a day. I am pretty sure that Mary held that sweet swaddled baby boy very tight and kissed him on his head. But even so, she said “fiat” and knew, that she would love and follow this boy, no matter where it led. This was her son.

The Presentation, by Bellini 1460-1464

So, enjoy this feast today. Much to think about. Go read Margaret, she, as usual says it much better than I can! As a mother of dear boys especially, it feels close sometimes. So, I will light a candle, say a prayer of thanksgiving and the strength to also say ‘fiat.’ I think I will also kiss the heads on each son that I can find today.

Icon of the Presentation by St. Andrei Rublev

Collect:

All-powerful Father,
Christ Your Son became man for us
and was presented in the temple.
May he free our hearts from sin
and bring us into your presence.

We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son,
who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever. +Amen

>Sunday Snippets

Posted on February 1, 2009 by coffeemom

Il Papa! Or, in my current effort: Abbat!!!

The Pope is going to Africa!

Well, ya just gotta love that! We are too (I hope)! Here is the lowdown:
In this morning’s dispatches, the Holy See rolled out the Pope’s program for his March visit to Cameroon and Angola — a seven day pilgrimage that’ll mark B16’s first journey to Africa.
Go to the excellent Whispers in the Loggia for the full article (h/t to this site).

Next snip: Of course, it’s Sunday, so Deacon’s got me thinking…here’s a snip:
“This week’s gospel tells us about Christ’s power over unclean spirits. They come in many shapes and forms – including, I think, the kind that took hold of Paul Wilkes.

They can overwhelm any of us, if we aren’t careful. They can come as jealousy, or self-indulgence, or arrogance, or neediness. They can make us spiritually bankrupt.
They are part of our broken, imperfect, wounded humanity.
And, as he did in the temple, Christ calls out to them – firmly, persistently, patiently.
Quiet, he says.
Come out. How can we not listen to that voice, that stirring in our hearts?“

Boy this practically shouts to me. Because that’s what I need. Those words: “Quiet. Come out.” Come out of my instant selfish reactionary ways, my snap, my indulgence. Come out. Quiet.
There is a line in one of my favorite prayers: Anima Christi, that goes “keep me from the malicious enemy” and I think often that while in the night when I wake up from another nightmare I might think of the movie version of a malicious enemy (the devil himself), ever so much more often that very enemy is my own self. Me. My selfish little self-absorbed self. My own personal malicious enemy to the growth of my heart. ack. So this homily hit home for me today. Good stuff.
Go, read. It’s good and worth a slow Sunday thought or two.

Lastly, this is what I have to go do now: study. Working my way, at a glacial pace, through this text:

That and tutoring with Wayzaro Loula on Mondays, and working through TalkNow’s Amharic cd on the computer. You’d think I’d be chatting it up by now, wouldn’t ya?? Well, you’d be wrong. I can barely say hello. Sigh. So, back to work for me, no more procrastinating. Happy Sunday! dahna hun!

>Snowy winter week

Posted on January 29, 2009 by coffeemom

>It’s been a cold snowy week here.
Now, where we live, pretty darn cold in winter is normal.
Snow and ice storms are not so much.
We usually only get a couple of good snows a year so it’s always a thrill.

It was so pretty and exciting to wake up to this:
For a two year old, snow and very cold is a whole new thing! “No!” Gabey calls, pointing with excitement. (To be carefully differentiated from his other very clear “no” for oh, many many things.)
Yesterday was one of our few official snow days, so the kids spent a good part of it looking like this: In and outside, bundled up, then shedding layers to drip on the mudroom floor.(Yeah, she does looks a tad cranky…it’s drag to take the boots on and off and on and pull the jacket on and off and hang it up again…..it’s a tough life when you’re ten, oh my!)
Later it started to look a lot more like this all around, after first ice then snow all morning.And I know for many of you, this is small potatoes, a mere dusting. But for us, its big news and a big white chilly fluffy thrill. Anyhow, it won’t last, but it’s so fun and pretty while it does that I had to post it, for the record.

>Happy 53rd Anniversary!

Posted on January 28, 2009 by coffeemom

Happy Anniversary to my Mom and Dad!

Here they are, this is the quintessential picture of them from when I was a kid.
This is one of those nights they got all dressed up to go out. I thought my mom looked so beautiful, with her happy smile and fancy embroidered dress and Indian jewelry and shawl. Maybe that’s where I got my love of shawls, who knows? I love this picture, they just look young and happy and it is one of the mental pictures, an ID sort of picture, in my head of my folks and those years.

Anyhow I just had to say Happy Anniversary to my Mom and Dad, because that many years is such an accomplishment…rare indeed in this day and age.
They have five kids all grown up and sixteen grandchildren.
They have been blessed with good health and a long marriage.
I love them and miss them very much and hope they have a lovely day.

>Books books books

Posted on January 27, 2009 by coffeemom

Section of tryptich, Roger van der Weyden, 1448

I love books.
I mean it, I love books and always have.
I could’a called myself “bookmom”, but somehow it doesn’t have the same panache as “coffemom,” does it? I didn’t think so either.
To play this out just a bit further: coffee and books go hand in hand, preferably with a nice (bunch of) Pepperidge Farm Raspberry Chantilly cookie (best cookies ever!) in hand too. But, I digress.

by Daffodilus, on flikr

Anyhow, this is a roundabout way to say that I love to read, always have, always will. That has lately been supplemented by reading blogs. More than a year ago I started reading the Bottomly’s blog, as we too began the process of adopting from Ethiopia. So I was pretty happy to see that they had turned one of my guilty pleasures, blog reading, into one of my favorite things in general: a book.

That’s the book, From Ashes to Africa, below.

Frankly, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I am not only a book maniac, I am funny about them. And by “funny about them” I mean picky. You might not be able to tell that from looking at the exploding shelves and stacks of books all over my house….but it’s true. I am picky about what I read. My sister calls me a snob, but I disagree. However, I am picky because my time is at a premium. I am not one of those purists that will finish any book they start, come hell or high water. I mean, c’mon, life is too short. If the book is dreck, it’s gone, I’m done. I won’t waste my time.

image by austinevan, flikr

{above: my hallway…kidding, mostly}

So, this is a roundabout way to say that my curiosity got the best of me and I got this book: From Ashes to Africa. I opened it and read the whole thing. And I read it in just over a day, and that’s with standard mom duties (though not school, it was the weekend, full disclosure).

It’s good.

I was surprised in a way (no offense Amy and Josh!), as you just never know, you know (and I’m picky)? But it’s good because it goes deeper and further than most are willing to go. In this blogworld, it’s rare to find a blog that lays it all out on the line. We might say we do, but really, maybe not so much…we all edit. Despite the relative anonymity online, its not total and so we edit – so as not to hurt or embarrass loved ones or ourselves. No one really wants to know how moody I am or that I can yell so loud that my throat is sore, do they? No. (And, no, I’m not going on record…that’s just a ‘for instance’…yeah, that’s it.).

But this book goes further into the back story that drove this couple to the new place they now live: where their hearts a bit shredded, permanently, for these orphans. They have new eyes to see now. But it takes quite a bit to get those eyes really opened. That is what this book is about. They lay out their hard walk through infertility with scathing honesty about the tears it causes in a marriage. I walked that road too. It was some of the most excruciating and lonely times I have lived through, and it was kind of unspeakable at the time, a dark hard lonely place (for each of us). The Bottomly’s open this up to the light; bravo for them, that takes some courage. And it’s this rocky hard road that brings them to their new world, their new eyes, their sweet son.

The purpose of this book is to raise awareness of a bigger worldview, one close to my heart. So I am biased. I’ve been through the excruciating infertility games, and I am a fairly obvious cheerleader for adoption. This is not an academic text, nor a long annotated social history and commentary. It is not a detailed fictional epic a la Dickens. It is a real story. It is personal. It is a memoir with a periscope of the heart.

This book is worth a read for the basic human story of it. That very same central common part of each of us, what makes us human, is exactly what makes it good.

Buy it, support a good cause, and read it, feel your heart stretch a little wider.
Grab some coffee and a cookie; it is a quick short read, and will be time well spent.
It occurs to me, after yapping on about this book, that I might throw out a book here and there. Because I’m all about opinions, they are simply spilling out of me most of the time. So hey, why not post ’em on the blog?
So, more to come later. More books book books!
Fair warning.

>Aerobic Mass, Part 3

Posted on January 25, 2009 by coffeemom

>I know I’ve posted about this before, and it’s not a new concept to me. I’ve had a kid or two over the years…..but it still is somehow always something of a surprise.

Yup.
Another aerobic Mass today, and we are stepping it up to a new level.
Because Gabriel Tariku is officially two now.
So, I’m just saying…those of you who are doing the Shred (Grace, Jess)?
Those of you who’ve made those new year’s resolutions (not this one, not me)?

I’ve got a whole new workout for you!
It’s got it all: weight lifting, aerobic conditioning, stretching, squats, lunges, pushing that envelope past where you think can keep it…hold it hold it, hold him…..

Yup, take my Gabey to Mass.
Keep him quiet and out of trouble in the vestibule.
If I could only figure out how to package this, I’d have a gold mine.
Aerobic Mass, the toddler IS the workout!
Whew. Again. (I should be buff by the time he’s three!)

>Tumbling Stones

Posted on January 24, 2009 by coffeemom

>Remember this?
This is a rock tumbler, seeing it is like a blast from my past.
My eldest brother is a gemologist, and as a boy, we had one of these babies grinding away in my dad’s workshop (a large-closet size room off the carport) for many a day.
It was kind of fascinating to watch him go out in the desert, hunting for stones, and come back with a pocketful. He would sort them and then put some paste of some sort in the tub and flip the switch. Then it would turn and turn and turn, slowly but surely. It was kind of loud, sometimes kind of smelly, often in the way.
I always wished it would hurry up and finish (yup, impatient even way back when).

Finally, he would decide it had turned enough and he would flip the off switch. The bin would come to a halt and he would open it up and reach inside. I always tried to be right there when he did. He would pull out the same stones and they were smooth, then he would polish them and they would be like some kind of cool rugged jewels.
It was a kind of magic for a kid. It was just cool.

I lay in bed this morning, awake again at three a.m. with Gabey. He had gone back to sleep next to me, but I could not. And I started thinking about the various drama we’ve been having with the kids: nothing big, just the usual fussing here and there and kids fretting about turf and things and how come they do this and why can’t they be like that sort of things. You know, the sibling stuff, standard issue…..to an exponential factor since we have a large family.

And I think it was Kimberly Hahn who I heard once say that having family is a way to rub off your sharp edges. And I remembered David’s rock tumbler.

That’s what having a big family is like. A rock tumbler.
We are tumbling stones.

We are given to each other to rub off all our sharp edges, to smooth each other out. It’s often loud, a lot messy, sometimes stinky, and frequently in the way of one of our individual desires. It’s not always easy and all that bumping and banging can hurt a bit here and there.
And yet, it is a cool thing, to be able to have each other to work away those rough bits. To learn to withstand the jagged edges of the one who scrapes across you, once again.
To get mad and frustrated and even hurt, but to learn to soothe and be soothed, to endure and withstand….to forgive and forget and move on.
It is this tumbling, this smoothing of our rugged jagged stony hearts and natures that is what we do best for each other. And what, as a family, as a large family in particular, we can do like no one else in the world. It is hard sometimes. It can hurt, frustrate, scrape and chip. But in the end, you end up with something all new again…..transformed, you could say.You end up with jewels. All different. Each unique. None just quite like the other, different size, shape, color, composition…some with streaks, some with glints of glitter.

But you end up a family, each being polished into their most true selves.
No wonder I was so fascinated with his rock tumbler, ultimately, I was to have my own.

>Feast Day: St. Francis de Sales

Posted on January 24, 2009 by coffeemom

>It is the feast of St. Francis de Sales!

This saint, this man has been deemed one of the Doctors of the Church, meaning one who’s writings and ideas are formational; the depth and understanding of their faith and the orthodoxy of their theology is held in highest esteem.

His book, “Introduction to the Devout Life” is a classic and a challenge – to my way of life and thinking and being. It humbles me: when I read (or reread) it, I tend to hang my head and think, “dang, right, gee whiz….oh, very good, man!” (It is initially difficult to get past his literary device of addessing his writing to “Philothea” {student} but once you do, you’re good to go/read/soak it in.) I recommend it to anyone, it’s very well worth the effort.

This saint is one of my favorite writers and a gentle soul. He was known for his gentle kind ways
and his simple clear explanations. He was great friends with another saint I love, St. Jane de Chantal. He taught her to be a saint ‘where she was’, in her station in life….she didn’t have to go be a desert hermit or do heroic acts, but rather quietly live a holy life, where she was (which is of course, SO much easier said than done!).

Although he earned degrees in both law and theology, he realized he had a vocation to the priesthood and ultmately even became Bishop of Geneva. He is the patron of writers and journalists, so he is also a timely saint, in this era of crazy media and bloggers all taking up their own little mini journals…like me. This prayer below, from his Treatise on the Love of God, shows why he is so good, and why I hang my head and see, once again, just how far I have to go. sigh.

Prayer of Dedication by St. Francis de Sales

Lord, I am yours, and I must belong to no one but you. My soul is yours, and must live only by you. My will is yours, and must love only for you. I must love you as my first cause, since I am from you. I must love you as my end and rest, since I am for you. I must love you more than my own being, since my being subsists by you. I must love you more than myself, since I am all yours and all in you. Amen.

St. Francis de Sales, pray for us!

>On this day…

Posted on January 22, 2009 by coffeemom

My son, Buddybug, is here.

Washington, D.C.
He is at the annual March for Life with a group from his university.

These are some pics from last year.
Most years Coffeedoc takes a few kids along with him, ours and a few extras. This year he couldn’t get there. But we are there in spirit.
I try not to get too political on this blog.
But it is surely no surprise to anyone that our family, I, we, are pro-life.
We are Catholic.
The Catholic Church has made it’s position on the spectrum of life issues very clear, very simple: All life is sacred. Period. Beginning to end. No matter what, where, who.
Simple.

And before you get started….I am quite clear on all the facets of this issue, and have worked through different things and thoughts about it all over the years. But finally and fully, as a Catholic who has discovered the deep beauty and richness in the faith, I realized it IS simple. And for me, though I spent years having long and important discussions on all the angles of this and these issues, finally it hit home in the most visceral way possible.

Here:
This is why I am pro-life.
Look, really look, at these faces.
How can I not be?

And while the actual March for Life happens today, the more, the most, important event (some might argue this point, but I would disagree) happened last night: the annual Vigil and Mass for Life. In the packed Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, with Bishops and religious and just regular folks from all over (thousands upon thousands), all jam packed in to pray. They wait for hours (often 4-6) before the Mass even begins, just to make sure they have a spot. They pray, they talk and then, they pray in community: the Mass. Here’s a snip from last year. Our Lady of Guadalupe, protector of the unborn, pray for us.
http://www.youtube.com/get_player

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on January 21, 2009 by coffeemom

“California Dreaming,

On such a winter’s day.”

It always happens, this time of year.
It’s cold.
So, you know what I gotta post, yup, the classic:
(Gabey loves to dance to this and it makes us all smile on a cold day).
Gotta love the Mamas and the Papas:

>COURT DATE!

Posted on January 16, 2009 by coffeemom

This is Bananas saying “no way!” with glee!

Yes way!
We have a court date!!!!!!!

March 31st!

I can’t believe it! I am so thrilled!
Last night Natalie wrote and said she’d be out of office and if a court date came through Mary would call. I said thanks.
This morning I stopped and asked Coffeedoc, “do you think that means that maybe she’ll call today? That was a different sort of email…” He said, “No, she just did that in case you email her again.” “Oh, ok, (sigh) I won’t get my hopes up.” Then I promptly tried to squoosh them down, once again.

So, this morning, after adoration, an 817 area code called my cell (it’s still working!). And it was Mary. Ok, my hopes zoomed up and I held my breath and she said “I have good news for you!” And I think my voice went up two octaves, “You do?” “Yes, you have a court date! March 31!”
Woohooooooooo!!!
Well, it was a lot of gabbling questions and chatter after that and now I am floating through the rest of my day! And this afternoon I go to meet a woman I hope will be my Amharic tutor. A great day. God is SO good, all the time!

So, I will beg for prayers for a successful court date. Please put us on your lists, the FBI list, and your prayer lists. We need to bring our daughter home.

If I were young and it was warm, we’d all look like this!

>Not so Wordless Wednesday: Post Birthday Edition

Posted on January 14, 2009 by coffeemom

Last week: Gabriel Tariku turned two!

This was his first bday celebration.

So – ripping wrapping paper: check!

Great presents: check!
(The boy loves shoes, what can I say?)

But really, it always comes down to the most important birthday features:
cake and candles and song.

And Chocolate!
And…lest we forget, he’s two…

The classic two year old boy bday present: Kidsize Basketball!
After that, well, there was not much more to say.

Except, of course,
“Shoot!”

>It’s Aliiiiiiveeeee!

Posted on January 13, 2009 by coffeemom

Nope, we are not talking about the creepy baby doll. (but yeah, that is too, jeepers!)

My cell! My blackberry: lifeline with all my contacts and connection to email!
It worked!

The rice bag really worked!

See Bird up there, that’s how I would look if I was young and cute with fabulous hair. See Miss M up next to her, that’s how we all looked, in disbelief and amazement.
I even (just today) schlepped to the cell phone store to check out my options when I found inevitably found it really was dead. And came out of the store kind of bummed, it was not an easy fix. No, correction, it was an easy fix. It was just a pricey fix that I didn’t want to make. (Though I could upgrade to a slick new model, which would be cool….but, ahem, frivolous! Right, I knew that.) And oh, all that info, that data, those phone numbers and addresses, all gone – yikes!

So, I came home, loaded with my options. I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath, pulled the phone parts from the bag of rice. They were all dusty (is this another layer of problem, rice dust, oy). I blew it all off, cleaned it all up, ever so gingerly. I put it back together, pushed on. And waited. And waited. And watched the sand timer spin and spin and spin. Then it went blank. White screen. OH NO….. And then up popped my little picture of my favorite Mary icon, my background and up popped my emails zipping in to my inbox. It’s alive! Yahoo!

I know, you might think how doofy I must be to be so thrilled. But, this is a nice little victory and happy surprise for me. And ok, I am doofy and a dork. But hey, I am a CONNECTED dork, so I don’t care! Plus, I even backed up my contacts and photos, sent them all to the big computer….just in case we are just in a last gasp situation. Because, you know….ya never know!

Anyhow, I have to go email Natalie and let her know my number is good again…because we all know that’s the real reason I carry my cell with me everywhere: we are waiting for a court date and I gotta make sure I can receive that call!

>Sunday stupidity

Posted on January 11, 2009 by coffeemom

{If I was cute and a toddler like Gabey, my face would’a looked like this.}

The topic of confession has come up. I went to confession even yesterday. As you might imagine, as a Catholic, I have many thoughts on this subject. It is near to my heart. Those thoughts are not all well gelled or pulled together, and they may never get there. Even so, I have much to say on Becca’s latest post.
But I’ll save the bulk of it for another time.
You’re welcome.

However, in the spirit of Becca’s post, on the facet of confession as owning up to our imperfections, I give you this: my Sunday stupidity.

Yes, I accidentally dropped my Blackberry cell in the tub.
I know, it surprised and shocked me too! (No, not literally, thank goodness!)
No I was not going to use it, I had carelessly set it on a towel. It fell.
Yes, I do feel like an idiot, thank you for asking.
Yes, I am in fear that it is quite dead, but am trying to let it dry out, despite my pleasantly surprisingly swift reflex on grabbing it out of the water in the deluded hope that it wouldn’t get as wet somehow.
No, I did not back it up and had a fair lot of data on it (you might remember, we are remiss in this area and apparently, never learn. Old dogs and all….).

So, this is my Sunday stupidity confession….on the cultural/mom level. No supermom here, no rocket scientist. Just careless mom. Oh dear.

Calling all techies: I am open to suggestions on fixes if you’ve done this too!

>Bittersweet

Posted on January 10, 2009 by coffeemom

>We have all had such a great time having Buddybug home over Christmas break.
Our house has been filled with music and laughs and a little more peace.
And tomorrow he leaves to drive back to school. It’s time. But I am listening to him play the piano and sing. And it makes my heart fill up, it’s one of my very favorite things, listening to him sing and play. It’s a gift. But, knowing he is leaving makes me a bit conflicted and is bittersweet. I am both happy and sad, happy for him to head back to where is doing so well, happy for the time with him here, happy for the music. And springing just a few leaks, as I listen.

>One last Christmas gift from my husband

Posted on January 10, 2009 by coffeemom

Coffeedoc has gone and done it again.

He has given me perhaps the best gift of the season:
the recovery of our crashed hard drive!

We hemmed and hawed on if we wanted to spend the money and give it a try. It’s a dicey project at best and we’ve tried it once before, long ago with a different drive, and it didn’t work well. But, we finally decided to give it a go.

And this morning I woke up to all of our old pictures, and emails, and documents back on our computer, with a new improved back up system in place!

I think I cried to see all the pics back again: from when the kids were little ones, old amazing vacations and travels, even some of our referral and update pics of Gabriel.

So really: priceless!

What a gift, one last one before Christmas triple officially ends tomorrow with the feast of the baptism of our Lord.

Thank you Coffeedoc!
I love my husband and his sweet, sentimental, and generous heart!

>Happy Birthday Gabey Baby!

Posted on January 7, 2009 by coffeemom

Happy Birthday Gabriel! You’re 2!!

And I can’t think about your birthday without thinking about the first time we saw your face:

Yup, this was the referral picture, the very first one we saw of you and the one that stole our hearts forever. And the first thing your Dad said when he saw you (I was crying) was, “That’s my boy.”
We had to wait a bit to go and get you and bring you home. And even though it wasn’t that long compared to some, it felt like forever.

And then we met.

And over the past seven months we have learned so much about you and fallen deeper in love and laughter. We have seen you change from a stressed scared little toddler baby into big toddler who is no longer scared of much, who is busting out with words and just amazes us daily.
Here are some things you love, at two, though it’s only a partial list:
balls, to laugh, to eat, to cuddle, jumping on beds, balls, exploring everything, cake, shoes, taking things apart, kicking balls, drawing on everything with pens, basketball, baths, rice milk sippys, water bottles, cuddling for bedtime, music, dancing, jumping, tackle football with Little Man, wrestling, the dog, cuddling with mom, spicy food, football, singing, holding hands, trying to talk, making faces, cars, throwing balls, up, chocolate, climbing anything, outside, walks in the stroller, bouncing balls.
Here are a few things you don’t like, at two:
getting dressed, hats, dirty hands, meat, being told ‘no’, naptime, sitting quietly, changing diapers, being taken down from climbing, being put down, bundling up, going slow.
You shout for me, the moment you wake up: “Mom!” and I smile at the strong loud voice and the sureness of your call. I am so very grateful, to be your mom and to kiss you on your second birthday! I love it that your birthday is on Ethiopian Christmas, my second Christmas baby, but in your own unique way. God’s gift, again. Melkam Genna Ledata Tariku!

We all love you so very very much Gabriel, you bring such laughter and joy into this house.

God bless you on your second birthday.
Happy Happy Birthday Gabriel Tariku!

>Blinking in the light: Epiphany

Posted on January 6, 2009 by coffeemom

It’s really real: It’s the Feast of Epiphany today!

Also known as Three Kings Day, and Dia de los Tres Reyes, and Feast of the Magi…it can go on and on. This is a feast that is celebrated in cultures around the world (well, the whole Catholic thing – universal church and all – of course makes that redundant….but still, it’s worth noting the different cultural takes on it).

It makes the old folklore student in me giddy. Sadly, Becca, it does mark the end of the Christmas season. But really, let’s face it, most of you have hauled the tree to the curb (not us, nosiree) and are already checking the boxes on your new snazzy organizer and trying valiantly to ignore the sweet crooning of the cookie jar.
Anyhow, this feast, this year, this week, makes me blink. I have a swirl of thoughts in my recovering brain and I can’t order them well or coherently, but need to process them….so you know what that means: I will blog them and in no logical order. So, lucky you, here goes:

As I mentioned, I am blinking. Blinking back tears, and I’ve been biting back my self-absorbed black foul mood and pity party. It’s not something I asked for, but it was almost more than I could shake and it got hard to even try {maybe due to being sick, but even so…not good, thwacked, knocked down}. It’s been a tough few days, through mostly fault of my own…

And as the star revealed and pointed and lead to Jesus the baby at Epiphany so many years ago, once again, God descends, or condescends, to take pity on me of all people and shine a little light into my foul black selfish world.

And I blink from the glare of His mercy and love.

The klieg lights of this are no mistake. They practically burn, the glare on my wallowing inwardness. But I flutter and squint to look closer and I see: the beauty and glory of the gifts before me.

And I am humbled.

And I bow and bend my prideful selfish neck.
And I cry, again, but this time in sorrow for not seeing well,
but also thanksgiving too at being given those moments to gaze at for a bit,
before I forget again.

And then, because it’s a feast, and God loves abundance and heaping on the good, just so you know He is amazing…..I get an email with good news: they have petitioned for a court date. NO, we do not have one yet, and don’t know when we will know. But it’s forward movement when it had been static. And that is a great bit of news that brings us great happiness. Yes, some might say its a small thing, but to me, it’s more.

And then, because it is a feast and it’s the end of Christmas and God loves abundantly, we get a letter from our girl. It is in rough English, translated. But it is hers and it is to us and it is a priceless. “Please finished my process be fast. I love you. I need you.” It is treasure.

And then, because it is a feast and it is the feast of the Three Kings, we have a third gift too (because God also knows that as a former folklore student I love the classic motif of three gifts, He’s that good…): a picture of our daughter in Addis, with her sweet smile in the jacket we sent. It swamps her and she grins. And so do we.

So, a jumbly day and week. But a clear feast. An epiphany. I see more clearly tonight. Thanks be to God. Happy Feast Day!

>Snared: What they don’t tell you about the wait, part 3

Posted on January 3, 2009 by coffeemom

>So. There are other things they don’t mention about the wait.
They kind of do. Sometimes it’s alluded to by the social workers or folks in process.
Now and then someone will flat out say it.
But the wait: it’s filled with traps.

Sometimes you get snared…or thwacked upside the head, unsuspecting.

Especially if your defenses are down or compromised with a virus or migraine or something of that ilk.
Then watch out.
Because you might find yourself on the sofa, whipped, and kind of leaking tears….blue and bleak over the blank calendar in front of you and no word or whisper on the horizon of progress.
And your normal cautiously hopeful stance, gone. Evaporated. Nowhere to be found.
And then you find yourself sort of in despair.
Because you know you need to bring that child home – the one all over the fridge and in the photos on your bathroom mirror.

You’ve been trying to imprint them on your heart.
And it’s worked.

And now you ache to have them home, even as your head knows how much work and the exhausting adjustments it will bring to everyone.

But that child, in the pictures..that’s your kid.

And they are half a world away.
And you have no information on them.
And you have no update on her.
And you have no breathe of time-frame whispered to you.

And that’s the trap.
It snares you and pulls you under and you cry in frustration and worry from the depths of your mom heart, you can’t help it.
You’ve been whacked.

It will pass.
Possibly as soon as the little virus does.
You’ll get back your normal marathon endurance mindset.
You’ll set aside the sharp imaginative worry.
You’ll hunker down to cautiously hopefully wait for good news, every day.

But you have to know that now and then, you’re gonna find yourself flat, sniffly and snared.
And they don’t tell you that much, because it is literally one of the ugly sides of the process.
But it’s real.

And it would be really nice to never mention it.
It would be like spun candy to only write about the hope and joy and giddy highs of this process, because they are SO high and so good.
But I think it’s maybe important to note that everybody goes through the traps too.
At least for me it’s important to note this.
Some days, you get snared.
You fall.
I fall.
It might be just me.
I am a child in so many ways, not trusting enough, complaining and whining, controlling too much, having a snuffly tantrum over not having the progress or information I had hoped for.
But I don’t only want this blog to be about the glittery things or only the best sides of me. I want it to be real and true, a diary of sorts of our/my real life.

So there it is, here it is: today.
These days pass, they do.
But to be honest, this process: it’s a rollercoaster, it’s not easy, it’s not for sissies or the faint of heart.

I guess nothing life changing ever is.

>Feast of Mary Mother of God! The Perfect "Happy New Year!"

Posted on January 1, 2009 by coffeemom

Happy New Year!

Today is the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Yeah, of course, she’s his mom. But it is a huge deal – was a huge deal historically to define the this dogma: Mary as Theotokos. Mother of God. Its’ a Christological issue. Can God Himself have a mother? Well, yup.

The doctrine of Mary as the mother of God finds its roots in the New Testament when the archangel Gabriel says to Mary, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God” (Lk 1:35). The Gospel of Matthew also affirms the doctrine in 1:23, “Behold a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and his name shall be called Emmanuel (which means, God with us)”. This dogma was formally defined at the council of Ephesus in 431 when the Church gave Mary the official title Theotokos which literally means Christ-bearer. Full article here.

Now this dogma can get all sticky and divisive and I’m not going there today.
Because it’s the New Year and it’s a Feast day! {And it’s my only sister’s birthday and I miss her and love her more than I can say. Happy Bday Nancy Pants! }

Frankly, I love Mary, Our Blessed Mother, Mother of God, and so I just want to revel in the idea that this is the perfect start to a new year, in my book. This is the perfect launch point of a new year. We talk about new year’s resolutions and reordering our lives, every year. Well, this is the fulcrum, the starting point.

Really, I think we are all searching for some sense of order that can bring more happiness to us, make us feel better somehow. But the order that brings truest happiness, as we all know, is the one ordered toward Christ – pointing our hearts and lives toward Christ. That’s it. Or, erk, supposed to be, usually it’s oriented toward ME, sigh.

And that is what Mary is about, especially considered as Mother of God. Its about her heart of love, for her Son, for Love itself. She told the guys at the wedding, “do whatever He tells you.” That’s what she tells us too. Everything about her points to Christ, her actions, her words, her heart.
Mary listened. Listening is not only one of the hardest things for me to do in prayer…its roots are in the latin and means “obedience.” It’s no coincidence I think that this is the hardest thing for me to do in general. They go hand in hand; listening and obedience.

But Mary did it. And thus she was given the greatest honor and shows me how I should be living out my life. Connected to her, and through her, her Son. Talk about reordering for New Years Resolutions!
So, I’m not gonna make a huge list of resolutions. Except try to pray better and listen better (and yeah, obey, sigh). I have some of the usual things I’d like to do better, or do less, as well. {And, yup, I could list a few, but then of course I’d not only bore you all to tears – if not already – but well, some things are better left unsaid, um, literally…}

But I really think that the best thing and the best start for me for this new year is to be thankful and recognize that we have this amazing gift of this woman. Through her listening and willingness to be a mother, she discovered and grew into and through amazing depth and experiences. It was her openness to that unknown, in faith. That’s the heart and life of a mother; complete with joy and sorrow both. Go to Deacon Greg for another great homily on this.
So that’s what I want this New Year. To honor Mary, Mother of God. To grow a little bit like her in hope and steady deep faith and strength. (Yeah, it’s a tall order, I know.) To walk the footsteps of a mom, but much better than I have. To love better, because that’s ultimately what she shows us best. And that is the best reason to honor her today on her feast as Mother of God.

Pray for us,
Oh Holy Mother of God,
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.
Amen.

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

Posted on December 31, 2008 by coffeemom

Last week:
Another yearly tradition, Booboo style.

A belated bday party.
The main event:

The Annual Polar Plunge!
{air temp approx 26 degrees}

The payoff: a hot jacuzzi and bragging rights!

Teens are fun.

>It begins: Too Many Tamales!

Posted on December 30, 2008 by coffeemom

>Today I begin the work of what is an annual tradition, one I love, and one that I usually think – about 3/4 of the way through – “what was I thinking?”

Because today we start the tamales!
It takes at least two days for me to make good tamales, the real deal.

That is because the first day is to cook the meat, traditionally brisket, long and slow, simmered in spices until it breaks down into melty shreds of yummy goodness. Then it is taken out and shredded and the broth saved and refrigerated to defat. Next day I make the cornmeal, just the way my mom taught me, do the final seasoning and moistening of the meat with the broth, soak the husks, and then lay out all the items and start the laborious but comforting assembly.

And then I, or we, make tamales! Sometimes the kids, usually the girls, help, sometimes we watch a movie as we do it, or put on music or just talk. It’s a nice time and we usually end up with seven or eight dozen tamales. We pressure cook the whole lot in batches to set them and then sneak one or two piping hot, just to taste test, you know. I know, it’s a lot but we give some away and freeze the rest and I only make them about once a year, so I might as well make a bunch!

I grew up in the southwest and tamales were a much longed for, much anticipated treat. Because the only “good” tamales were homemade, period. All others were suspect, I mean, who knew what they put in there? But I knew what was supposed to be in there. Because every year I watched my mom and my aunt make tamales. They only did it once a year, maybe twice if some really special occasion arose or some extra effective begging and coercion took place. But for New Year’s Eve, we ate tamales!

My father’s birthday is New Year’s Eve. My sister’s birthday is New Year’s Day. They both love tamales and so shared this birthday feast, every year. And for me, part of the appeal was sitting near my mom and my favorite aunt, listening to them talk and watching the rhythm of their hands laying out the corn husks, smearing the masa, dabbing on the filling, then folding and rolling up the tamale into a kind of beautiful little present, folded and wrapped up into it’s own perfect bundle.

For years, I didn’t even like to eat them, just liked to make them. Imagine! But I was a young and stupid and picky child. Now, I know better and happily, children, all of them, are clearly much wiser than me!

So it’s a family feast. It’s a tradition that calls back to the southwest where both Coffeedoc and I were raised and that we love. It’s a connection back to my family and my memories. And it keeps me and my family connected and having a cross country birthday party with my dad and my sister, as we all have our tamales on New Years Eve and toast the new year but also the birthdays.

Anyhow, I love tradition! Heck I went through grad school for folklore/folklife and literature, of course I do! This is one of the oldest in my life and one that is very dear to me. So, I’d better get to work! Time to start the tamales!

>Happy Birthday Miss M!

Posted on December 29, 2008 by coffeemom

Happy Happy Birthday Miss M!

You are ten years old today!
Double digits, already!

You are such a special girl.
Born in Nashville, you were my surprise baby!
The best surprise I’ve ever had!

You came home to us at two weeks old. You weren’t sure about the changes. It took you a bit to get used to us, but we fell fast for you and your big brown eyes. Even today, you don’t like change much, but now we can all laugh about it.
You and your sister were teeny babies together, like twins but not. You were almost exactly the same size for years, shared clothes and baskets and beds. But now you are getting bigger, in different ways, but certainly with the clothes. And that is ok, because you love your jeans and today you get your own closet, in the multi-room swap!You, Miss M, are a beauty.
We don’t tell you too often because we don’t want you to get the big head….but you are beautiful and strong.
Even your hair and your oh so tender head, is a gift that someday (when you alone are doing the brushing) you will appreciate fully.
But best of all, you are beautiful inside as well as out.
You have one of the very biggest hearts I know.
You can well over in tears from just hearing about something sad, be it a kitten or a friend or a movie with your mom.
You worry about others more than others do.
You are considerate and think about things they might need and how to help them.
And then you do it.
That’s remarkable.
You are just like me: we call it control freak (but with a smile).
And we saw it early: in your ability, even as a toddler, to bring your temper under control as we watched – a seemingly superhuman effort in such a small girl.
You love having control of your body, your time, your plans, your things.
This will make you nuts some, and does, but it also makes you and I understand each other sw well and work so well together!
And it is one of your strengths.
You are probably one of my strongest kids, on different levels.
Physically, you are an amazing natural athlete.
I half expect to scream my lungs out for you at the Olympics someday; it wouldn’t surprise me a bit.
To watch you gallop across a field or shoot those hoops is so fun, it takes my breath.
God made you so well, with a strong coordinated body that can do almost anything you set your mind to.
I marvel at that.
You have a laugh that sounds like water in a brook; and makes the whole family smile and start laughing when we hear it.
You love to laugh, at your brother or giggling with your sisters, or at a joke or at mom.
You are my best eater and the most fun kid to feed, and I wish I had your metabolism!
You love love love the color purple.
And you love love the Little Mermaid!
You are growing into a bigger kid but you are not too big to play with dolls with your sister either.
You are a sleeper: you need it and want it and are happy to do it!
You are a helper, with or without being asked.
You have a strong strong will, that will take you far in life, on big amazing adventures.
You are smart and resilient.

Miss M, you are a giver.

And that, I think, is why your smile is so beautiful and one of the things we love the very most about you: your big giving heart.
You were given to us as a great Christmas season gift, but you give yourself to your family and especially your sister Bird ever so much more.

So Happy Happy Tenth Bday Miss M!
We love you so very much and are so very proud of you.
We hope all your birthday wishes come true!

>The Feast of the Holy Family

Posted on December 28, 2008 by coffeemom

Michelangelo, The Holy Family

Today is the Feast of the Holy Family!

Now this is a feast that makes me happy (ok, hence the discombobulated mood today).
As you might gather, family is a big deal to me. Literally and figuratively!
And to have a day that puts special emphasis on the beauty and importance of family is just a gift. And what better role models to have than the Holy Family, of course! And all too often St. Joseph, the head of the Holy Family is kind of lost in the Christmas shuffle. Go read Elizabeth Foss for a good article on St. Joseph.

“For the past few weeks, we have been so intensely focused on the coming of Jesus Christ, that today the Church invites us to take a step back and look at a larger picture: The Holy Family. The Son of God, in His Divinity, could have come to us full grown and alone. Or he could have come as a child under the protection of some royal court. Instead, he chose to come to us in the midst of the most fundamental dynamic in human life: the family. The first thing Jesus sanctified by his presence was a family home”
from Phat Catholic, go read

Anyhow, this topic is an important one for me. I look to the Holy Family for inspiration, prayers, and as a role model (that I will never achieve, of course). But really, we are called to be the domestic church, to model that giving service, that love in our own families and homes. And God was so good to provide us with a family that we can look to. They had to go through all sorts of difficulties, stress, fears as well as happiness, companionship, joy and everyday life. Maybe, just maybe, Mary questioned Joseph’s ideas once or twice (“really, get up, leave, go to Egypt?, really, now??? Ack, ok!”) and surely they worried about work and we know they did chores and got tired and lived quiet mundane regular life for many (well, 30) years.

And that gives me comfort. When I am in the midst of another messy kitchen or loads of laundry, with dinner needing to me cooked and Coffeedoc calling, well, it is nice to know that it is ok, this is how it’s supposed to be. It gets messy and tired and worried and quiet and regular too. And I can know that, stone cold, because the Holy Family did it. Period.

There is holiness in the everyday quiet life of the family, big or small. There can certainly be growth in holiness as well (and a big upcurve ahead there, in this house) but this is some of the most fertile ground for it. The family. The linchpin. The foundation. So today, we celebrate, with great thanksgiving the feast of the Holy Family.

Here too are a few more links: to good reads, to good holy families:
The Deacons Bench has a good homily on the Holy Family, worth a look.
Juli at Happy Catholic, always great.
Jennifer, at Conversion Diary, she heads up a holy family!
As does Michele at Family-Centered Life, and Margaret at Minnesota Mom, and Danielle Bean and so many others, but if I start to list them all then I’ll get someone mad at me or their feelings hurt. So to make it simpler, go to the sidebar and check out most of the adoptive blogs (because right there, ya got the whole St. Joseph connection in particular) and the Catholic moms links too. That’s the other cool thing about this feast: if you look, you’ll see examples all around you! How glorious, how cool is that! Thanks be to God!

Holy Family, pray for us!

>The Holy Innocents

Posted on December 28, 2008 by coffeemom

>There are some feast days in the Church that are hard.
I suppose they all should be in a way…in that the term “feast day” when applied to a Catholic memorial, often and traditionally (but not exclusively, see Feast of the Holy Family, above) means the day of passing from this material world into everlasting life. It means death. But it also means a step into the most real life and the one that is eternal, with no suffering and glorious true union with Christ; therefore for that person – unspeakable joy.

And that is the prelude to today. Today is a double whammy, so to speak.

First, this post, we have to talk about today’s feast day, this fourth day of Christmas: the Feast of the Holy Innocents. Or, I have to talk about it because I am out of sorts over it, in a blue funk.

I hate this feast day. It is so hard to wrap my mind around this one and it leaves me out of sorts, every year. My poor skills in communicating, much less writing coherently here, combined with the whole mystery surrounding this feast leaves me stuttering over words.

And yet, this is an important day to remember.

And as mom, it touches a very deep part of me in hurt and anger and sorrow. This part of the Mass reading for this day, it makes me cry:

Matthew 2:18
“Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet Jeremiah:
“A voice was heard in Ramah, wailing and loud lamentation:
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be consoled because they were no more.”

Therefore, instead of stumbling along with my utterly inadequate words, I leave you with what I turn to: art and the writings of holier, more learned people. The art is posted, a few pieces. The words are below:

Matthew 2:16
“Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, was in a furious rage, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time which he had ascertained from the wise men.“

“There is no easy explanation for suffering, least of all for the suffering of the innocent. St. Matthew’s narrative, which we read in today’s Mass, shows us the suffering, apparently useless and unjust, of some children who gave their lives for a Person and for a Truth whom they didn’t even know.”
In Conversation with God 1, Advent and Christmastide

“There is anguish for us, twenty centuries later, in thinking of the slain babies and their parents. For the babies the agony was soon over; in the next world they would come to know whom they had died to save and for all eternity would have that glory. For the parents, the pain would have lasted longer; but at death they too must have found that there was a special sense in which God was in their debt, as he had never been indebted to any. They and their children were the only ones who ever agonized in order to save God’s life”
F. J. Sheed, To Know Christ Jesus

Painting by William Holman Hunt

This feast day, I halfway want to ignore it…certainly not talk about it, explain it. Is recognizing it condoning it? That’s a nonsensical question but it springs into my head. It’s that torn jumbley feeling.

But it’s not that the Church made this stuff up, it’s not a novel or a screenplay. It’s real. It happened. It’s not the Church doing revisionist history or some horror writer hoping to make a buck. It’s biblical. It’s horror. It’s an historical event that makes us weep and cringe even today – because it is evil. It is face to face with unspeakable evil. And it is just too close for comfort. But, then again, evil usually is. That’s part of it’s whole package. It should make us shrink from it, and shake our heads without comprehending, asking “why, how” as we weep. But even the glory of Christmas, the birth of this baby, cannot be fully comprehended without the cross, and it was found and pointed to, from the very beginning. Go here, to an article by the excellent Amy Welborn for a worthwhile read on that.

“…these innocent lives bear witness to Christ who was persecuted from the time of His birth by a world which would not receive Him. It is Christ Himself who is at stake in this mass-murder of the children; already the choice, for or against Him, is put clearly before men.”
Catholic Culture.org

“Oh God, on this day, the Holy Innocents gave witness to you, not by words but by a martyr’s death. We profess our faith in words: grant that the holiness of our lives may confirm the witness of our tongues.”
Collect of the Mass

Another Espresso, Please

Why, yes, I did just have one, thanks…

>Snared, part 2

>A tragic loss.

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>Happy Birthday Julia!

>Silly, Weird and just odd

>Feast Day: the Presentation in the Temple

>Sunday Snippets

>Snowy winter week

>Happy 53rd Anniversary!

>Books books books

>Aerobic Mass, Part 3

>Tumbling Stones

>Feast Day: St. Francis de Sales

Prayer of Dedication by St. Francis de Sales

>On this day…

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>COURT DATE!

>Not so Wordless Wednesday: Post Birthday Edition

>It’s Aliiiiiiveeeee!

>Sunday stupidity

>Bittersweet

>One last Christmas gift from my husband

>Happy Birthday Gabey Baby!

>Blinking in the light: Epiphany

>Snared: What they don’t tell you about the wait, part 3

>Feast of Mary Mother of God! The Perfect "Happy New Year!"

>Almost Wordless Wednesday

>It begins: Too Many Tamales!

>Happy Birthday Miss M!

>The Feast of the Holy Family

>The Holy Innocents

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Prayer of Dedication by St. Francis de Sales

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