>Channeling my inner Isak Dinesen …..

Posted on May 8, 2008 by coffeemom

>
I have a son in Africa…….

I hear that in my head, w/ Meryl Streep’s voice….unfortunately I don’t have the glamour or the elegance or the clothing budget, or heck, the farm…..

But. I have something better.
I have a son.
In Africa.
Gabriel Tariku.

And a friend who took many pictures of them and sent them this morning, despite jet lag and children of her own who are clamoring for her! Thank you Shelly!

So, two more days. Things are moving at warp speed here now. These pictures came at the perfect time, of course. They give me that final kick – the burst that you need at the end of a long run or race to make it to the finish (no matter how slow you go, ahem, stop laughing Buddybug).

You can see/read that my mind is zipping all over the place, not coherent. It’s the list. Running over and over in my head. What do we need to make happen before we go? Make sure we have? It’s relentless. It’s kind of silly.

All we need to do is get there.

Because we have a son in Africa:

Gabriel Louis Tariku

We’re on our way…..

{and sorry about the spacing, I can’t figure out how to make the layout work the way I want….}

>Things they don’t tell you about the wait….part 2

Posted on May 6, 2008 by coffeemom

>That adopting, and the week before travel, is it’s own kind of rollercoaster!

That in countdown week, the run-up to travel…..you become kind of a schizophrenic mess.

Really.

What I mean is this:
People keep saying to you, and you keep thinking in your head, “Oh my goodness, you leave in (insert current number) days! Are you ready?”

And you think, or say, “Are you kidding, NO! I have million things to get done!”

But you also think, or say, “Are you kidding? I”ve been ready! Oh, I can’t wait, I need to leave now!”

And time seems to zip by at warp speed. And then it crawls. Stops. Drags. You find yourself multitasking ten things at once and then you find yourself drooping, trying to find a way to still your mind as you sit in a time lull.

And then someone says to you, and you think in your head, “Oh my goodness! I can’t believe you are adopting again! You have a new son! That is such a big deal!”

And you think, or you say, “I know, it’s unbelievable! It’s SO big!”

But then, you stop, and you think, “But then again, it is not big at all. It is the most simple thing on earth. It’s easy.”

He’s a little boy. He has no one else, we were made for each other.
So what’s so hard or big about that? It’s big, but it’s small in the most basic perfect way. He is a small boy. We are a big family. I am a mom. He fits in my arms. That is about as simple as it gets.

So, my head is spinning, starting and stopping this week…following my body and motions and emotions.

Stop. Start. Fast. Slow. Big. Little. Complicated. Simple.

This week is a rollercoaster.

And no one tells you about this part. Except maybe they do, in the pictures you see at placement….but we didn’t have the eyes to see it then. Now we do.

It’s the biggest ride of our lives!
And yes, four, no now three, more days! Whew!

>ET Phone Home

Posted on May 3, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Ethiopia, phone home, that is.

Ok, I am calling out for tips: how did you seasoned travelers call home from Addis?

Did you use an international cell? Yours or rented?
Did you use Skype? How? On computer or land line?
Did you have access to land lines (to set up skype sessions)?
Did you use an international calling card? Where did you get it? Cost? (the site suggested by agency doesn’t list rates for Ethiopia, thus seems like I can’t buy a card)
Did you rent a local prepaid cell? Where did you get that? How much did it cost (if you don’t mind saying)?

This time next week we will be traveling and we haven’t got the whole communication thing settled, which is of course making me stressed and nuts. I’m sure I’m just being stupid and missing the obvious.

We really need to be able to check in with the kiddos at home, daily. So, I’m hitting you all up for advice, experience, and tips: how did you do it? Phone home!!

>Preparing a place

Posted on May 1, 2008 by coffeemom

Today is Ascension Thursday in the Catholic liturgical year.

It is the beginning of the preparation for the feast of Pentecost, nine days away (start your novena now if you are interested.)

And in my own distractable, self-absorbed sort of way, I have been pondering these days in a whole ‘nother light. My husband and I have had discussions about this and how these days, this year in particular, are suddenly even more meaningful.

We love being able to live the liturgical year. It gives a rhythm to the year just like another layer of seasons. And this year, we have the greatest gift of being able to live the liturgical year in the most real way ever, the most literal living of the domestic church possible for us.

Today is the feast of the Ascension. In nine days it is the feast of Pentecost. That is the night we arrive in Addis (it is also Mother’s Day, another bonus). Obviously, we didn’t plan to arrive on Pentecost. I’ve spoken before about the lack of control in adoption and thus you don’t get to pick such things as when you might pass court and be able to go and get your new child. You just wait impatiently (and anxiously) for it. Sometimes when my mouth drops from the shock of finding these connections and little gifts of grace I just as quickly laugh – knowing that we must really be pitiful doofus types to need such obvious bricks falling on our heads. It takes the almost slapstick-level obvious smack in the face to help us “see” what is really real. Slow learners, indeed! (But again, isn’t it SO nice to know that God will meet you where you are, come down to your level? Great comfort to me, I’ll tell ya!)

This feast in particular, the Feast of the Ascension, has always been an odd one for me to fully grasp. I mean, here the disciples have been relishing the time together with Christ after we was mercilessly crucified, and now suddenly, he’s leaving them again. So where’s the feast and joy in that? And what about his mom? She has to watch him die and then rejoice that it really happened – he came back raised from dead – and here he was again, and now, once more, accept his departure. That’s devastating. Just saying goodbye each time to my college boy just kills me. Every time. And that’s just saying so long for a bit, and knowing he is perfectly well and crazy happy there.

But. On this day He said, “I go to prepare a place for you.” And now, for these next nine days, in our house we are too preparing a place for our new child. And he too, sits as they sat, waiting and not understanding or even knowing what was to come. In our church, we are taught that the family is the “domestic church.” We model the greater church as a whole, ideally. No pressure, right? Ha.

However, this year, this feast is such a parallel that it makes tears spring to my eyes. This feast is a leave taking, but better; it is a promise. The best promise of all. The promise of preparing a place for the whole of God’s family to be together. The promise that he “will come again and take you to” himself. This is the promise we also have made to this child, who does not yet even know or understand. But we prepare him a place, in our family, and we are waiting at the gate to go and bring him to ourselves.

And so, now: in nine days it is Pentecost; the feast of the coming of the Holy Spirit. The comforter. God himself, again. Another promise of a feast, played out. “I will not leave you orphans” is the promise. Well, again, blessedly for us, we have been given the grace and gift to be able to live this out, as literally as we can imagine. We land in Addis Ababa on the night of Pentecost. The next morning we meet our new son. Our new little boy. Gabriel Tariku. We have prepared him a place. We will not leave him an orphan. And we will, with tears and thanksgiving and inner whoops of joy, take him to ourselves.

3 And if I shall go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself: that where I am, you also may be. 4

18<!––><!––> I will not leave you orphans: I will come to you.

Image source, top painting by Giotto. Second Image from trip to Greece taken by husband.

>God bless visiting moms!

Posted on May 1, 2008 by coffeemom

>OH BOY!

Here’s a brand new pic of our sweet boy!

God bless Shelly for holding and snuggling with him and sending pics and a long gift of email. It made me cry and started my day with a bang early this morning. This is such an emotional roller coaster – the countdown to go meet our son. But oh, it’s so great to get the views of a “mom on the ground” of your waiting baby/toddler! So great to have him hugged on your behalf! Bless you all who’ve stood in for us: Ted and Lori, Buttercup and Farmboy, the Albertsons, and the Schumachers! Thank you! Please keep Shelly and the travelers in your prayers, they could all use them.

Can’t stop staring at this boy.
She called him “Mr. Dreamy.” I think she meant Mr. Sleepy though…. How funny is that?

We are sure dreaming of him here!

>Things they don’t tell you about the wait…

Posted on April 28, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Yes.
That’s what they forget to tell you.

Eat.
It’s what you do, when you wait (ok, me): Stress Eat.

Yup.
We are counting down to travel.
My stress is, seemingly, high.
I have a to-do list a mile long.
I have piles to pack.

But first, apparently, I have to work my way through this.
Top to bottom.

Then I have to go buy new clothes to fit and pack them. Sigh.
It’s always something.

>Eyes to see

Posted on April 26, 2008 by coffeemom

Thank Heavens, literally, for these Gladney families!
They are so generous and caring and good. They help this mom bear the wait.
They take packages.
They take pictures.
They hug our boy and hold him.
They see him with their own eyes, in person.

They let us see him through their eyes as mom and dad. Maybe he gets an inkling that there is a mom and dad who are waiting for him and twitching to go hold him too.
They stand in for us and we are so grateful.

So these are some of the new pics from the group of families who are now recovering from jet lag, and settling in to knit their new families together. We are so happy for them all: Buttercup (in pink, holding my little guy) and Farmboy (tall, Tariku in arms), the Albertsons, and the Schumachers. They have all generously helped us and we think they are awesome!!
THANK YOU!

We will pass this favor on, just let us know!!

So, while it’s not the same as being there…these photos help us try to memorize his face and expressions: happy, grumpy, sleepy, all of them.
They help our hearts dream.

They are our eyes, to see.

>Sleep Tight

Posted on April 23, 2008 by coffeemom

>Warning: Gratuitous Mom Gush Below

What IS it about sleeping babies and kids that makes us all go “awwww?”

Why is it that having a picture of your little one asleep across the world so important to have?

I don’t know.

But man, I love having a picture or two of my big baby boy sleeping like an angel.
{Tempting to make the allusion to his namesake now….but I’ll let you do that!}

Awww. They’re so sweet when they are sleeping!

And big thanks to all the traveling families for their generous time and pictures of our sweet boy. Photos above by the amazing Andrea.

>Crazy?

Posted on April 21, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Crazy!

No, not our Divine Miss M, she’s just goofing around!

But “they’re crazy” “what? oh they’ve lost their minds”….this is the sort of comment we run up against, in various forms, all too often.

And this past week, with the whooping announcement of our new baby boy, waiting for us in Ethiopia, we had a little swell of this sort of phrase swept our way…usually blurted out before the person caught themselves and offered some form of tepid congratulations.

I’ll admit, another child for us is a surprise to many. Especially to those not as close to us and considering our already full house and ok, our not quite as young as we used to ages (40’s….but hey, that’s the new 30’s right????). Some people are tactful, some are truly thrilled for us, some are politely neutral, and some, a few, are downright disdainful.

You know, I touched on this a tiny bit a few posts ago, in “Why adopt…Again.” But after this past week, I think it is not just an adoption thing. This sort of reaction of disdain, scoffing, or just dismay and dismissing me or us as “a little nuts” goes deeper. Even folks who are completely supportive of adoption tend to often have the reaction that perhaps we are taking this too far.

But what? Taking WHAT too far, exactly? Adopting again? No, I don’t the objection is to adopting or even adopting again. I think it is a number game. A sheer number bias. And that shocked resistance to more, to the larger numbers, to MORE kids is pervasive. How many of you have had people say “oh boy, you’ve got YOUR hands full!” And, “wow, I have two kids and that’s PLENTY for me.” Or, “well, don’t you think you might be taking away from your other kids? You have to think about them too.” Hmmmm. Or there is the cliche, “you know, I knew this person and they just adopted a baby and bam, then they got pregnant!” This is always related as a horror story. Like they somehow blew it in their planning and somehow it’s a bad mistake and maybe even a twinge of rating of the kids. Oh….this makes me nuts. There is an bit of an insidious undertone in these last two.

You know, I am the first to say that “yup, two kids (or one, or three, or whatever number) CAN be a handful and boy golly, that can be plenty” from a “whew, this is a lot of work” standpoint. All kids and all families are different. There is no perfect family or perfect number. NO FAMILY SIZE IS AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN ANOTHER (so please don’t send me nasty messages about how I am being rude or self righteous, I am SO not meaning anything like that). However, what I object to is the idea that smaller is more sensible or easier or somehow more “right.” Smaller is fine. But why is it crazy or too much to have more? It’s not. It’s this bizarre culture we’ve evolved into that has woven that message into our cultural psyche. And I, we, reject it.

Instead I know, we live, the fact that for us, larger is better. It is awesome. It IS a lot of work. My hands ARE full. But in the best way, in the way I was made for. The very best gift anyone can be given is a child. Period. Not a Ferrari, not a mansion, not an island in the sun (don’t get me wrong, that last one especially has a strong appeal…ahhh). It is a child. Nothing else brings that deep, core tingling, whooping joy. And for those who say “what about the other kids?” Well, the very very best gift they can be given, is a sibling. Period. One of our children has some issues that are a bit more high maintenance. And even with that, the time they take, the difficulties in interactions even with their sibs…..even so, the best gift any of them has is each other. Period.

As a Catholic (you knew I had to bring it in), this is part and parcel of it for me. It is being open to life. It is the Catholic stance (and of course so many other’s) that ALL life is precious and has value, inherent distinct value. All life. The ones that God might send me through my own body and gene pool and any others that he brings to us, whether they are here or half a world away. Teeny babies or older. Babies and kids who are perfectly healthy and made like that old “Ozzie and Harriet 50’s” stereotypical family framework, and babies who might have different needs or who are abandoned or who are from a different part of the world. It is a conscious letting go of the “we determine” our family, and instead letting God determine it. Which, in a weird way, is radical.

It is a tough concept for a control freak like me to get used to; and in fact took me YEARS to be willing to do it. And then, I finally did, and by that time, we were looking at adopting. Maybe that was part of it, because if you think you are in control of everything; of your body and deciding when to get pregnant and how it will work out best and feeling in charge of the whole deal…well, try stepping on to the adoption road and watch that sense of control be ripped out of your hands and placed in someone else’s….meaning oh, the social workers, the caseworkers, the doctors, the FBI, the taxman, you name it…they all have input. Yikes! But the funny thing is, it was never REALLY in our hands in the first place. I think, for me, it took starting the adoption process to figure that out. And then the beauty of that stance got it’s chance to unfold. And here we are, about to bring home number seven. And we are once again, still, whooping with joy.

So, I guess this is a whole long venting built up after a few days of high emotions and joy at our news. And a response to that whole “you’re crazy, when ya gonna quit?” kind of response. Frankly, I think THAT knee jerk reaction is a bit crazy. Nice people say this to me. But really, the ingrained, learned perspective today, is that we are all in control of everything: our bodies, our destiny, our choices, our kids, how our families will be formed and our lives lived out. And really, this is a ruse. We don’t have nearly as much control as we think, we have choice. Which is so much better, really. So, we choose being open to life, which often results in a big old family, and that’s seems a bit crazy.

It’s nut’s, right? Yup. We are crazy, in the best way. And, well, a big mixed up family is a whole LOTTA life, every day!!! And we love it and if that’s crazy, then I guess my new answer to “are you nuts?” will just have to be “you betcha!”

>Far Reaching

Posted on April 20, 2008 by coffeemom

>
The ever fun to read and insightful Danielle Bean has a good article today here.

With the dovetailing of this week’s events: Pope Benedict’s visit to the U.S. and in our family microcosm of the world, our joyful news of passing court and the official additon of a new child, our household and my scattered brain has been, well, more scattered than usual! So much to pay attention to, new exciting things.

So many thoughts have been rumbling through my mind from the mundane to the ones with a wider scope. My attention has been focused mainly on the awesome ecstatic news of our new baby, but it has also been caught again and again by our Pope, glimpses on the news and web, flashes of those wonderful red shoes, following the trail of his historic visit here.

My kids ask why it’s important that he’s here. And I say “because we are Catholic. That’s our Pope.” But that means so much. It is so far reaching. “Catholic” itself, the word, means universal….far reaching indeed. And somehow, for me, this week, that jives as I reach my heart to Ethiopia, half a world away, to my little boy, waiting for me, for his new dad, for his family, in a blue crib. And somehow, that connection, that reaching seems so much more.

As I have little to no skill in distilling my rambling racing thoughts, it gives me great pleasure to find someone who does and who has put into words some of the ideas that are important, to our family, to me as a mom, and as a Catholic. I love this about blogs, the great writers are out there and think more clearly, have better ideas and then say them better than you…but you can still find that ‘ping’ of recognition where you connect and think “yeah! she’s right, he’s good!”

Here is a snip of what I mean, by Danielle Bean and her most recent article:

“Each time, I am struck by the cultural significance of what it means to my kids to be raised a Catholic today. Because we are Catholic, we are interested in goings-on hundreds or even thousands of miles away. Because we are Catholic, our mother turns on the television in the middle of the day and wipes at her eyes when a white-cloaked, red-shoed man emerges from an airplane and sets foot on American soil.”

snip:

“Benedict first endeared himself to me three years ago when he admitted that he prayed not to be elected pope.
“At a certain point, I prayed to God, ‘Please don’t do this to me,'” he said. “Evidently, this time he didn’t listen.

Benedict’s vulnerable admission of reluctance to take on responsibility made him seem delightfully more human to me. I may not be charged with shepherding the entire Catholic Church into the next generation, but I do understand fearsome responsibility: My husband and I are charged with the shepherding of eight small
souls into the Church.

Following the pope’s lead, Catholic parents can accept awesome responsibility with confidence. We can do our best to teach, to love, to pray, and to be open to God’s work in our families. We can let go of the ulcer-inducing consciousness of our own deficiencies.”

So. Even the Pope had or has doubts. Maybe he didn’t feel up to the job, or doesn’t all the time. And yet, just by serving, as best he can, God surely does work through his deficiencies. He represents and serves the Church. This brings me comfort. God surely then, will work through my own deficiencies, “ulcer-inducing” and shocking in their abundance.

This is the mystery of the how or why it works. And yet it does. And it is a “fearsome responsibility” to presume to call myself Mom, and us family, for a sweet baby boy, sitting in a blue crib, across the world.

And I think it’s the trying. The stepping forward in faith, even if you can’t see the path or even the next steps ahead, it’s the taking of that next step. It can be scary. Daunting. Ulcer-inducing. But as our Pope shows us, as he physically travels far, across the world despite his 81 years, it’s the physical doing and acting out of our faith. Then God can work through us. That’s Catholic. That’s how it works. That’s faith. That’s family.

This adoption stuff can be daunting. Far travel. Far reaching. Uncertain. Long waits. Unknowns. It stretches our everything: our intellect, patience, faith, endurance, courage, and best of all, our hearts. But first we have to take that step. Again. And again.

For us, this time, we are stepping far. To Ethiopia. Stepping, flying, to our Tariku.

Go. Read. It doesn’t take long. Danielle is great.

I might go shopping for some red shoes!

Photo courtesy of Knight of Columbus

>Best kind of gift!

Posted on April 19, 2008 by coffeemom

Well, we had the best kind of surprise and now we have the best kind of gift!
A new picture of our little boy, sent by the wonderful Andrea!

All three families in country right now, to pick up their dear new little ones, have generously offered to help us out. How great is that?? The amazing Albertson’s took a package for us of pictures and snuggly things for our guy, Buttercup was wonderful enough to HOLD him for an HOUR and send me word he is doing well, and now Andrea has generously mailed the best pic we have yet of our sweet boy. Plus my blog buddy Shelly is taking him a new outfit and cuddles from us as well. Wow.

This photo makes me just twitchy to go and scoop him up!

I want to say how cool it is that through a blog, of all things, I have virtually met so many nice people and amazing families! And now they are involved with us in a very real, concrete, not virtual way at all. And not in a creepy way, but in a wow sort of way. They have taken time out of their own special wonderful trip, rare once in a lifetime experience, to remember us and to show caring for this little boy. It is a beautiful thing. We are terribly grateful. We are totally ready and willing to pass this favor forward, to all of you other families in process! So, my take on this whole blog thing is that yes, you have to be careful, but oh it can be so cool.

And, IMHO, Gladney families are awesome!!!

Blogging has been and might be light for a bit as we scramble to finalize crazy travel arrangements and tackle the mountain of “to do list” things.

>The BEST kind of surprise!!!!!

Posted on April 16, 2008 by coffeemom

Introducing our new son!!
Gabriel Louis Tariku

Wonderful Natalie called today with a surprise for us! We were supposed to have our court date tomorrow but they ended up having it today (somehow a date-translation thing).

And we passed!!

The Ethiopian courts approved us to love and care for and raise this little toddler – for us to be family. We are surprised and thrilled and grateful and kind of swapping between laughing and crying with joy.

{ IMHO, I think God took pity on me, I have been a edgy mess this week, and in fact had just returned from stopping in at the adoration chapel to pray and rest in His presence. And as I pulled into my driveway, Natalie called: “unknown.” My heart started racing, no way, no way! and then she said “I have a happy surprise for you!” My heart missed a beat and I think I held my breath. And then she told me. And I cried. And laughed. Thanks be to God!!}

The first picture is his referral picture at about 12.5 months (though he was 14 months at referral) and now he is 15 months. And getting bigger, as you can see! But this family, and this mom, are now just twitching to go get that boy in our arms!!! God is good, all the time!! Hooray!

And yes, that’s the real name, with family connections and his given name is Tariku. No nickname…yet!

>Countdown: Two. Two days to Court

Posted on April 15, 2008 by coffeemom

>Two.
Two Days.
Two boys (goofing around on Christmas break).

Did I say two days? Counting down for us and the Silvestri’s, Family in Flux, and the Thornegroms…and everyone else who has court this Thursday and week (but those are the ones with our family agency, Gladney).

Sigh. Two more days…..

>Countdown

Posted on April 15, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Three, three, three…sing a song of three. How many is three?

(Ok, for you youngsters out there, I have just totally aged myself! And if you are roundabouts MY age, you will have the echo of that song in your memory and it will be a blast from the past. You’re welcome.)

Anyhow, three girls, happy daughters from a trip years ago. Three days counting down. Three days for three other families too: the Silvestri Family, Family in Flux, and the Thornegroms.
THREE DAYS to COURT!!!

All prayers happily and gratefully accepted for a pass on court on Thursday. I will have that Sesame Street song playing all week, I fear!

>What’s in a name?

Posted on April 11, 2008 by coffeemom

>
So, I have a question for all you adoptive and blogger moms out there, ok you dads too.

What’s in a name….really?

This is a pic from last spring, that momentous time of high school graduation. This pic is of me and MJK. MJK is our other daughter, in so many ways. She was an exchange student who lived with us for almost two years. From Korea. She became part of our family, even as she has her own family in Korea as well. We consider ourselves her American Family. You can’t really have a teen girl living for years in your home, sharing a room with your preteen girl, and not live as a family. We all had to learn to live together, bridge cultural gaps and misunderstandings and customs. Bridge to each other.

Like any teen girl, she loved to shop and talk, take pictures and wanted desperately to drive! Late nights over ice cream and long discussions over the rules and beliefs of the house, hunting for the perfect dress and helping with homework….standard teen stuff. And so she grew into our family. Our family grew into her. She became our daughter in so many ways. And yet she is also more the daughter of her Korean mother and father, the granddaughter of her beloved grandmother. She is in college now, living at a Korean University. Still, we send parental advice and direction from afar. She calls us ‘mum’ and ‘dad’. We pray for each other. We probably will not live together again, though she might come here again, as a kid does when they come home for a visit. We were, or are, her legal guardians here in the states. Yet we are connected. So we name each other “family.’

Now we are about to add another child, the seventh…eighth if you count MJK. This one, hopefully will be legally ours, adopted into our family in Ethiopia next Thursday if we pass court…and then again once we return home, officially, here in the states.

And, I, being the self-indulgent mom, want to talk about my kids on this blog. And in the fantastic fun and frenzy of excitement over the passes by the families of our agency this week I have seen the photos go up, announcing the pass and the new name of these beautiful children. And these bloggers intro these celebrations using their names. Their real names. I have not yet name my children on this blog, except in nicknames.

No, really, it’s true. I didn’t REALLY name my sons Buddy Bug, or Booboo. That is not on the diploma, no kidding.

But, if I pass court next week, I really want to just SHOUT to everyone that THIS is my new son…..and use his name. His real name. I don’t have a good nickname yet, he hasn’t grown into one with us yet. So, there’s my dilemma.

So. I’m asking. I’ve read all the creepy reasons not to do it. I’ve seen so many in this blog family just go ahead and use real names. What’s in a name? Should I announce his name once we get the big news? (trying NOT to jump the gun w/ thinking about all this, it’s just it’s been so wonderful to see and ‘meet’ these new kids this week, blogwise). What do you think? I know one thing for sure, his name, our SON, is true.

>Happy updates.

Posted on April 11, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Oh Happy Day for the Treat and Samantha/Fairy Good Baby families!

Passes on court yesterday and beautiful new children soon to join their forever families! Hooray for you guys, we are so happy for you!

>Balloons for joy, hope

Posted on April 9, 2008 by coffeemom

>Congratulations to the Roberts Family and Angie and Anil!!! They passed court today and are surely rejoicing tonight! Yahoo! And for the Silvestri Family, our hearts go out to you! Next week is coming soon and we will be waiting with you, and until then keep you in our prayers for comfort and hope. Treat family, and Samantha, we are praying for great news tomorrow for you too!

>Praying for Court

Posted on April 8, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Praying especially tonight for passes for our fellow Gladney families to pass court tomorrow!
High hopes for good news for the Roberts family, the Silvestri family, and Angie and Anil. Also, prayers continuing for the Treat family and little Samuel for a pass this Thursday!

>Why adopt? again?

Posted on April 4, 2008 by coffeemom

>Ok, people ask. Why adopt? And again?

So you can have Christmas mornings like this.

And every other day too.

Yes, it’s messy.
In so many ways and levels.

But it’s also glorious. In so many ways and levels.

Because even though it, adoption, is in many ways, a
wildly selfish thing to do – because we WANT another child, want to feel them in our arms and kiss them and feel their chubby arms around our necks and have them fall asleep on our chests so we can take a nap too……even so, it is a thing that we are called to do. All of us, in one way or another. To care for each other, in the ways that we can.

We are all the church, the Body of Christ and we are made to take care of each other. These little ones need us and we need them. We need each other. For different reasons maybe, but for nothing less than that. We need each other. Kids need and deserve a family . I am made to be mom and my kids are made to care for their brothers and sisters. We are made for each other. We are called to each other.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think everyone is called to adopt. But everyone is called to care. We all do that, of course, in different ways. And adoption doesn’t solve the world’s problems. Our adoption in Ethiopia in no way solves the problems that are there. Our adoptions here in the states didn’t solve any of the problems here. But, adoption is one way to make a tiny ripple of difference.

And, adoption did bring this family together in what we believe was part of a plan that is bigger than us. Someone said once to me, “I guess it must have something to do with your beliefs.” Um, yes.
Absolutely.

I believe this boy was meant to be my son. My first born, 18 years ago. {yes, he’s the tall boy in yellow shirt in Christmas shot above, yes, time flies!}

I also believe this boy, my Little Man, was meant to be my son and is just as much so as the first one, above, and the four others in between them.

So, why adopt? The first time? And again? First it was because we had always talked about adoption as an option and something we knew we might pursue. Then, it was because we were finally ready to pay attention to JPII’s theology of the body and being open to life, in all manner and form.

Because we couldn’t let the idea of it go…..God nudged and nagged, chased us down.

Then we did. We adopted our first, a tiny little new baby girl, then another (ok, and another)……Then we realized the most important idea in the world, to us:

Love is a verb.

Love is not a warm feeling, all fluttery and gushy, except sometimes. Love is not being loved back. In no way is it a hallmark card.

Love is doing. No matter what.

{Now, you probably know all this already but I told you I am a slow learner, didn’t I?}
And the cool thing is – when you do for someone…when you walk the floors w/ a crying baby that won’t stop, when you hold a sick kid w/ a fever or bad dreams, when you make yourself get out of bed, again, for the fifth or sixth time that night to go soothe them, when they pee on you, when they ask you for another cup of juice, again….well, you do it. And that brings love. That is love. And there is the bond. It doesn’t matter then how they came to you. You love them. They are yours and you are theirs. You are a family.

So, not to go on, but it comes up so often, especially now, when we are adopting again and our family is getting large – larger than is comfortable for the average American. People look at us sideways like we might be a little bit nuts. And maybe we are. But in the best way. And often they say “Gee, shouldn’t you be done by now? Why are you adopting?” Well, because we can, fortunately. Because we want to. Because long ago we realized we needed and wanted to be open to all the kids God chose to send us.

And send them He does, no one else.

And it is a little crazy maybe.
And it is messy.
And tiring at times.

But it is glorious.

And that is the answer to why we adopt. Again.

>Retail therapy

Posted on April 3, 2008 by coffeemom

>Ok, what does a gal do when she waits? She shops!

I am not so much a major shopper anymore, and frankly, I’ve got most of the basics and big items already. You know, after a few kids, you tend to have most of what you need. However, this wait is hard and I’ve got no way to bond but to dream of my new little boy and buy a few things, special for him. The only major buys I am thinking of is another rocking chair, so I can have one upstairs and down (one in bedroom and in the family room so we aren’t isolated if he needs some rocking).

But on the more trivial level, I have to say I just got the coolest sling! Find it here [shameless plug].

It just came and I gave it a test drive with my very large 4 year old (a big guy and probably over the recommended weight, but hey, it worked and he loved it and I was comfy – so it’s a win!). If this sling can work easily with my Little Man, then even though my new guy is not a small baby – but an older baby becoming a toddler – this should work well with him! I suspect he might need a whole lot of carrying around. I tend to carry all my newly adopted ones around for a good while, it imprints them to me and me to them I think.

Now I never did use slings with my older boys, they just were poorly designed way back then. Too cumbersome and frankly, kind of ugly. Plus, I was much younger and living in L.A. and just too “cool” to be wearing the big cumbersome pastel striped padded hot sling in the southern California sun. Young and stupid, what can I say? Now I am older and hopefully wiser, but certainly beyond caring about silly things such as that. However, even if I was a total slave to fashion (which my preteen daughter will attest, I am SO not), these slings are gorgeous and fun and beautiful or funky or whatever you like. A whole new generation of babywearing and in the nick of time, if you ask me.

So, I am excited. I want to go and get my little guy and pop him in this sling and tour around Addis and cuddle and just feel him next to me, snuggled in tight. So, a silly drivel of a post, but a fun and exciting delivery this morning for our little waiting household. We’ll take what we can get these days! Not much else to post when you’re waiting……..

>Remembering a servant of God

Posted on April 2, 2008 by coffeemom

>Today is the third anniversary of the death of Pope John Paul II.

In many realms, he was controversial, but we loved him. He was an amazing man and our spiritual father, Il Papa. He was truly a servant of God, or, as one of every pope’s titles: “Servant of servants.”

John Paul II loved children and youth. He was a vibrant and active young man and he started World Youth Day, bringing the world’s youth together for events to confirm their faith and to send them out to the world to be “salt and light” – to live their faith and serve others so that Christ could be brought to the world, through them (us).

John Paul II served until he could do no more, even sick and suffering, on display and in the humiliation of incapacitating illness and progressive disease. He kept going. He was a great example of perseverance and fortitude and faith, and joy even in suffering.

Some might think it is a reach, but as a catholic mom, I think of him. I can look to him as a role model of perseverance in faith and joy. Even when the next step is unknown or unsure: should we adopt? what child will we be referred? when is court? will he pass? when will we travel? will I be a good mom to this small boy?

This week, as I am moody and stew as I wait (I am SO bad at waiting), I swing my mind between excitement and wonder and worried and fearful. But “be not afraid.” It is in the bible (over 300 times). JPII said it in his speeches, as a father says it to his children. So. I’m trying. And on this anniversary of his death, I will remember, harder, that we are sent. We are sent out to serve. And I will try hard to ‘be not afraid’ and to persevere in the wait and be ready to serve, all my family, whoever God brings me and when. JPII, pray for us, pray for my little guy over in Ethiopia.

>Calling all cars!

Posted on April 1, 2008 by coffeemom

>
Well, we got a much begged for update today on our boy! (Good timing, I’ve been in a ‘waiting funk’ so far this week). Apparently, he is “all boy” and loves cars! Hey, we know all about that! His big brother-to-be [Little Man, 4 yrs] LOVES cars, construction trucks, monster trucks, anything with wheels.

I see a lot of car and tracks in our future (the ones you step on in the living room, hopefully not them actually racing….!).

Let’s go get that boy home! Hop in!

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!
clipart link

>The Feast of the Annunciation

Posted on March 31, 2008 by coffeemom

Today is the Solemnity of the Annunciation, (moved from March 25th, due to lent). This is the day the church celebrates the feast of the Annunciation: the Archangel Gabriel coming to Mary and the most important “yes” ever in history. Fiat. “Yes, I will.” Her consent to become the Mother of God. Read more if you like here.

As an adoptive mom, and a mom of biological kids, I tremble (with that adrenaline rush of shocked thrill and joy, but also with the ‘bigness’ of it all) each time we are presented with a child, or even when the child is “announced.” I cannot imagine how she must have trembled. And yet, she said “let it be done.” It is an awesome and fearsome responsibility, to care for a child and give them what they need – this gift from God.

We are waiting impatiently to go get our little boy. As I worry, dream, and wonder about him, this feast day resonates with me.

There are so many unknowns, is he ok, will he be ok, will he bond to us, what will make him laugh, will he be frightened and wary, will I be good enough to work through it all and do well enough by him and all our kids, what kind of cookies will he like, how soon can we get there, will the traveling work out, will he pass court, will we be able to make him smile, how will he feel in my arms, will he and his just older brother be close and laugh and wrestle, will just being there tear my heart open again and again? I stare at his pictures, imprinting his eyes, his face.

But even as all those wonders and worries float around in my head, I hear Mary’s echo from long ago: Fiat. I will. We will. Let it be done. We will love and raise this boy, our own, fiat.

>To catch up

Posted on March 29, 2008 by coffeemom

>Ok, the main impetus for me to start this blog is to keep up with the amazing and talented Ethiopian adoptive families bunch of blogs that I read all the time. Not in a ‘keeping up with the Joneses” sort of way, but rather in a “hey count me in, part of the family” sort of way!

So, here is the short version of our Ethiopian Adoption Adventure:

First, after adopting domestically three times, we figured we were done. Big family, busy, getting older…all the usual stuff. There was this book, however, way out there on my radar. This book, I knew I couldn’t read. So. I didn’t. Not for oh, a year or more. Then, finally, I did. Of course, any of you families in process already know the title: “There Is No Me Without You” by Melissa Fay Greene. So, I read the book, and read parts to my husband. We both cried and it tore us up and well, we knew that just maybe, oddly enough, we were being nudged to open ourselves to another adoption. Yes, it seemed nuts, but we figured that long ago we took the stance “as many kids as God would send us, whatever manner that happened”…so we figured if it was supposed to happen, it would. Prayerfully, nervously, we started the research into Ethiopian adoption.

Now, I am a consumate, compulsive researcher. So I spent the summer researching all our options and what was out there, the agencies and experiences of so many others. Finally we decided on Gladney Adoptions and have never looked back.

We thought of adopting a boy, infant or toddler, since we had three boys but the oldest had moved off to college and out of the house, we also had three girls, closer in age, but still two boys, one teen and one young one. So, since it seemed that boys were harder to place (at least in our research) and well, we loved boys and had one who was just the right age for another brother, well, that is where we would start.

We contacted Gladney in late September, got our homestudy done w/ our earlier local agency {approved for a toddler boy 0-18 months and a sib up to age 4, either gender, if that presented} again by the end of October and were approved by Gladney in early December….when everything came to a screeching halt as our dossier was totally ready too except for that one elusive letter: the immigration approval, not so fondly known as the I-171H form. Apparently, the southern office just takes a while. We waited, and waited, and waited. For 13 weeks. Finally it came and thanks to the amazing Kate of KBS Dossiers, we went on wait list on January 28th of this year.

Then we started waiting again, closely following all the blogs of more hip and happening and cyber-savvy families. We tried to hunker down and know that we would be waiting for 3- 5 months. I hate waiting. You might think I would be good at it, having lots of kids and having adopted three times before. I am not. I am not patient, in fact, my theory is that is one reason God has sent me so many children, I am a slow learner…but I digress.

Joyfully, and to our great surprise, we got a referral for a 14 month old boy on March 14th. He is beautiful and we accepted the same day. And to our even greater shock and wonder and joy, we got a court date on the day after Easter, while driving home from a family visit to our college boy. We love Natalie!! We love Natalie’s phone calls!

So. Now we have a court date for April 17 and we are praying for first pass, even as we keep praying for all the other waiting families for court dates and passes too. This is killing us, as we see our little guy and know that he is getting bigger by the day and he just needs to come home, to his final home, with us.

So, now as we ask favors of our fellow families {thank you Lori and Ted! Thank you Albertsons! You are awesome!} we figure it’s only fair to give you our own version of our crazy wonderful life.

I know. Be happy, that’s the short version!

Another Espresso, Please

Why, yes, I did just have one, thanks…

Category Archives: adoption

>Channeling my inner Isak Dinesen …..

>Things they don’t tell you about the wait….part 2

>ET Phone Home

>Preparing a place

>God bless visiting moms!

>Things they don’t tell you about the wait…

>Eyes to see

>Sleep Tight

>Crazy?

>Far Reaching

>Best kind of gift!

>The BEST kind of surprise!!!!!

>Countdown: Two. Two days to Court

>Countdown

>What’s in a name?

>Happy updates.

>Balloons for joy, hope

>Praying for Court

>Why adopt? again?

>Retail therapy

>Remembering a servant of God

>Calling all cars!

>The Feast of the Annunciation

>To catch up

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